40 Things That Only Happen In The Movies

Did you ever notice that certain things only happen in the movies, but never happen in real life? For example:

  1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
  2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
  4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
  5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
  6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
  8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
  9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
  10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
  11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
  12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
  13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
  14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…
  15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
  16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).
  17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
  18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
  19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
  20. All single women have a cat.
  21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
  22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
  23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
  24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
  27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
  28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.
  29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).
  30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
  31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
  32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
  33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
  34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
  38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
  39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties).
  40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
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130 Replies

  1. Mel

    Nov 14th, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    The cheif of Police is always black.
    He will always suspend his top detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
    Shopping must always be 2 brown paper bags, each visibly containing a stick of french bread and green leafy vegetables, yet you never see movie actors eating french bread.
    Computer screens never show a cursor, just a blank screen with ENTER PASSWORD. A small personal laptop has the power to override a large government operation or an entire alien civilisation.

  2. Sylocat

    Mar 14th, 2007 at 11:26 am

    in my experience, #18 also happens in real life.

    Oh, and call me naïve, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen any actual movie in which #2 happens.

    The rest of these are spot-on, though.

  3. Cor on the Macabre

    Mar 14th, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    Regardless of the quality of the initial image, an FBI agent with a computer can get a positive ID from any survelience footage. Also the computer will beep and whir with each keystroke.

  4. Chazzer

    Mar 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Revolvers are capable of holding hundreds of bullets
    Whenever a character sees something strange/unbelievable, if he takes someone else back to see the same thing then it will always be gone

  5. monteze

    Mar 14th, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    if someone is about to be attacked by a serial killer they have to look and scream for about 10 seconds before trying to run.
    Characters manage to find exacly what they are serching for on the internet in two clicks by only twitching their wrist.
    A hero who has been shooting round after round of there gun without reloading have to cock it before shooting the ‘badguy’.
    Henchmen die after being shoot in the shoulder but anyone else has to be shoot,stabed and beaten before they have a ten minute long death sceen

  6. Swede

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 4:22 am

    That’s why they’re called movies and not documentaries.

    Did you ever notice on tv shows whenever someone gets a birthday or Xmas gift there’s never any wrapping paper to tear open? The giftee simply removes the top of the box.

  7. Saddam

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 4:40 am

    Bad guys will have instant access to the number of any telephone their intended victims may be currently standing near.

    Hacking into even the most difficult computers will only take a moment. And nobody needs to bother with silly things like turning computers on, opening any programs, or typing at a rate of less than 1,000 words a minute.

  8. audrey

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 6:06 am

    Re: No. 10. There is also a magical apartment building in Chicago that sits in the middle of Lake Michigan in order to give you a view of the whole city.

  9. Toolbag

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 7:13 am

    Computers are extremely easy to use. No body ever uses a mouse and you are able to get the exact information you are looking for. When searching for someone’s identity you can get an up to date photo and their life story, which most likely explains why they are a criminal.

  10. T-Rizzle

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am

    Huge, man-sized air conditioning ducts are called ‘Willis Ducts,’ after Bruce Willis in Die Hard.
    Heroes always cock their heads in weird ways when preparing to shoot a badguy with a pistol from no less than 100 yards away. Mr. Willis referred to this in an interview as the ‘Horse Eye’ method of marksmanship.
    On television, when something shocking is revealed right before a commercial, the actors have ghastly twisted expressions on their faces. This is known as ‘Smelling the Fart,’ because of the uncanny similarity between the two gestures.
    Protagonists have the ability to loose 75-90% of their blood volume while remaining concious, alert, and deadly.
    Most people seem to know the good guy from the bad guy, and pay no attention to the good guy running down the street brandishing a firearm.
    Everyone knows that you have to give up your car to a total stranger when told it is being commandeered.

  11. Ste Bowler

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 10:18 am

    When someone steals a car, the drivers seat is always in the correct position.

  12. Patrick

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 10:23 am

    Starving artists get free, massive apartments in the most desirable neighborhoods in Manhattan

  13. Piac

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 10:41 am

    Black guys always die first, always

  14. TUNAHEAD

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 11:20 am

    #6… The lead actres comes into the prom dance and EVERYBODY knows the steps, geeks, jocks, stoners… everyone know the moves and get along pretty well. Hmmmm… I wonder if I could´ve done the same in my senior prom…

  15. Ninj

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 11:24 am

    Anytime a police car is damaged (usually crushed,) the siren will always make one last pathetic “Whooo” that trails off.

  16. Jason Simon

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 11:45 am

    1. People hack into computers by incessantly typing on the keyboard. Even though they don’t appear to be working in DOS mode, the never use the mouse.
    2. Movie climaxes tend to occur in abandoned warehouses near water.
    3. One person, generally the hero, has the Daredevilesque ability to hear faint talking in the background of audio recordings that no one else initally hears. He alerts the others to this by saying, “Wait. What was that? Go back.”
    4. People slide down walls to sitting position while crying.
    5. Sadistic killers are also witty stand-up comedians specializing in one-liners.
    6. Bombs are always defused within the last three seconds, never at twelve or twenty seven.
    7. Innocent women are generally survivors where more worldly and street smart women are immediate psycho-fodder.
    8. Rocket launchers can be fired from inside of helicopters without causing the occupants in the rear seats to die from the backstream.
    9. Women lip synch and dance when there are no men around…constantly.
    10. Indian burial grounds always cause trouble.

  17. SeattleSounds

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    Of course whenever theres a sporting event, such as basketball, hockey etc. when the camera cuts away from the scorebord time seems to stop until the camera goes back to the scoreboard. also within the last 3 seconds of the game, the underdog athlete that the movie revolves around happens to hit the rim of the basket where the ball spins around for about 5 more seconds before miraculously falling in. thus resulting in the underdog player who the coach never put into play any game before is deemed MVP, and the pretty head cheerleader who never noticed him before leaves her big star athlete boyfrend to go kiss the new MVP

    note. this event ALWAYS happens at the big state championship game

  18. Phantastic

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 12:50 pm

    Computers run Movie OS or Apple’s Mac OS. They never run Windows.

  19. Amancalledj

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    1. Children always have the uncanny ability to get the better of adults (in real life, they’re seldom that clever).
    2. Sleep is rare (I think of the TV show 24 on this one. In reality, six to eight consecutive episodes should just feature all of the primary characters in bed sleeping).
    3. Nearly all car collisions end in hellish infernos.
    4. Cars regularly become airborne without the use of ramps.
    5. Medical examiners, forensic scientists, profilers, etc. become involved in car chases, shoot-outs, fist fights (in reality, they spend most of their time in labs and rarely meet actual criminals unless they are testifying in court).
    6. Bullets from small handguns have the force to throw people across rooms.
    7. Torches burn for hours.
    8. Serial killers have the time and resources to plan elaborate and ambitious crimes and tortures undetected. They also have access to hidden underground dungeons in urban areas absent of neighbors who can hear screams.
    9. Packages arrive in the mail revealing crucial clues to mysteries, mailed at undetermined points in the past.
    10. 95 pound women have the ability to overpower 250 pound muscle-bound men in hand to hand combat.

  20. decam4

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Hey…I think 34 is true….the landing is done by computer now…taking off is a different story…but if you are stuck with two dead pilots, those babies can land themselves

  21. A FUNNY GUY

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    why is it that people playing video games in movies always randomly press buttons on their game controller but nothing is really happening that coinsides with the buttons being pressed?

    how come come ugly people never save the world in movies?

    any featured sport’s team in a movie always win the game at the last second

    if a movie is not a comedy than you will never hear an actor fart

    since when do people wake up with a smile on their face and bright shinny eyes?

  22. Billy bob

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    Whenever a car is rear-ended, the car behind hits an invisible ramp thereby flipping it over several times. Even when it’s going 35 miles an hour. It’s called the Hazzard Principle.

  23. Anonymous

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 5:07 pm

    When driving a car, the driver has to turn the wheel back and forth just to make it go straight.

  24. drew

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 6:16 pm

    EVERY V.C.R. makes audible, fast paced, whirring noises when in fast forward or rewind mode.

  25. Vengeance

    Mar 15th, 2007 at 8:19 pm

    As long as you are angry and/or exacting vengeance, you are invincible. Once you let go of that anger, death comes within two minutes

  26. Brian

    Mar 16th, 2007 at 6:46 am

    hey decam4, i am a pilot and in order to land a 747 by itself, you still have to be familiar with the aircrafts’ systems and autopilot. it isn’t as simple as you would think. plus you have to know how to set the course, ILS frequency, and set flight directors and approach holds on the autopilot before the plane will react in any manner. you also have to have charts for the airport that you are flying into, so you can get this info. i wouldn’t ever use this though, because the landing is one of the best parts of flying, and it’s a good way to impress the passengers and crew to build a good rep.

  27. Jiminy

    Mar 16th, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Women have inner-ear problems and will trip and fall at the worst possible time.

  28. Dimmy

    Mar 16th, 2007 at 9:03 am

    Phone booths seem to exist only in the movies. These principles apply:
    1. Any random change in your pocket will work to complete a call.
    2. When searching for a listing in the phone book, simply open it to the middle, flip one single page and the listing is on that very next page.
    3. If you’re in a hurry, the following will occur:
    A. Someone will already be using the phone, having a very light hearted, innane conversation, so it’s best to be comically frustrated before eventually boiling over and either: running off (don’t wory, no actual time has elapsed), or grabbing the other person by the collar, throwing them out of the booth and then casting a menacing glance at them. Never use a logical plea or communicate it’s an emergency. The other person will also most likely pound on the booth and say something prefaced with “hey buddy…”.
    B. It’s tough to get the change into the slot, but keep trying. It helps to hit the phone and freak out.
    4. Cars that make a huge jump will land toward the nose of the car, bending the car into a V shape, but in the next shot of the car driving away, the car will be back to normal.
    5. On film, seat belts are neither necessary nor desired, especially at high speed.
    6. If you have a death wish, it helps to be a black man in a minor role, a woman who makes love to James Bond, the main badguy, or a potential victim who smiles and breathes a sigh of relief.

  29. Savage

    Mar 17th, 2007 at 11:04 am

    There is always a fight where the man is impossible to beat and theres lightning while fighting

  30. JTR

    Mar 17th, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    When looking through a bad guy’s office, the crucial evidence will always be in the second draw down of his desk.

    Any evidence to convict a character that everyone likes will be hidden in a picture frame behind a family photo.

    Father and son photos are always taken on fishing trips.

    The hero will always get massive beads of sweat of his/her forehead, but none under their arms. Only fat people ever have sweat under their arms.

    When driving a vehicle off of a ledge/building/bridge, it will always be at the exact same height as an enemy helicopter.

    Everyone’s alarm clock sounds the same. Also, radio alarm clocks in hte bedroom will be loud enough to be heard downstairs in the kitchen, without the character touching the volume.

    Important news on TV is always slightly too quiet, prompting the main character to turn up the volume.

  31. Max

    Mar 17th, 2007 at 12:48 pm

    Guns never have recoil; unless it makes the hero or villains fall when they shouldn’t.

  32. David

    Mar 17th, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Computer hacking is done on fancy programs that have colorful GUI’s and countdown timers.

  33. Io

    Mar 17th, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    If an important character is about to die, they’ll live just long enough to tell you something very important.

  34. Natalie

    Mar 18th, 2007 at 9:31 am

    All women will wake up and go to bed wearing make-up.

  35. kim

    Mar 18th, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    in all movies that have somethgin to do with firefighters, one always dies because of th floor or roof collapsing.

  36. StateOfTheArt

    Mar 18th, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    If you steal an item of clothing from a person you’ve just knocked out/killed, it will be just your size.

    Women wake up with their makeup from the night before still flawless. They also sleep in their bras (trust me, no one does this in real life).

  37. MuvieWacher

    Mar 18th, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    during a fight scene, the hero/heroine’s clothes never get wrinkled, hair never tussled, clothes never stained, regardless if they have been fighting in a cave or arena.

    people are shown playing video games when there is no game in the system (a lot in 90s movies)

    hi-tech, next generation video games systems make sounds like their atari2600 and pacman ancestors

    people get to board flights with deadly weapons such as automatic guns and HATTORI HANZO blades… AND sit with them in the cabin!

  38. Andy

    Mar 19th, 2007 at 8:13 am

    No computer in any movie ever seems to run either Windows OR Mac OS. It’s always some non-descript or “futuristic” interface that looks clunkier than what we use in reality. There’s always a block cursor blinking on the screen (when was the last time you saw that?) and the font of choice is either old style DOS letters or an overly smooth font that doesn’t look like it’s even on the computer at all. And when the computer responds to a query by the hero, it displays the text in single lines very slowly so that it can be read while it’s appearing on screen.

  39. Steve N

    Mar 19th, 2007 at 8:28 am

    Every woman goes to bed and wakes up wearing make up.
    Everyone in the office or house you’re visiting always stand close together as they wave good bye to you.
    No one has bad breath.
    Young kids are smarter than most of the population.
    Every dog is calm and/or well trained.
    Every window is spotlessly clean.
    When eating at a restraunt the food is served 1 minute after ordering it.
    After being shot in the knee our hero only limps for a few moments and soon is able to run, fight, climb walls, etc.
    A policeman never waits for backup.
    The police only show up after the long gun fight is over.
    A small hand grenade has the explosive power of a ton of TNT.
    All stewardesses are pretty.
    In police movies the hero is some how well known by the chief, mayor, store owners, coronor, and every informant in town.
    Special equipment that would take months to design and build is readily available a few minutes after the plan is made - Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve come to mind.
    The lead investigator, head of the government dept, etc is somehow a person in his/her mid 20’s instead of an older person who might actually have the experience to have that position.

  40. DANOrion37

    Mar 20th, 2007 at 11:46 am

    After a big car crash, the criminal and the hostage (usually a woman who the hero secretly wants) escape the scene through the sewers with the sunlight in the back with the hostage completely incapable of escaping from the man holding only one wrist

  41. Anonymous

    Mar 20th, 2007 at 9:26 pm

    nobody smokes besides russians, arabs or villains (RAVs)

  42. 9 of Diamonds

    Mar 21st, 2007 at 5:46 am

    When the clock radio alarm goes off in the morning it always goes off right at the beginning of the song or right at the end of the song just in time for the on air dj’s banter.

    In Sports movies, for some reason the best player in that given sport in that given area, is not only not registered in the league (which if he’s so good makes no sense at all), but he also is able to register mid season (believe me I’ve tried to join leagues mid-season and they simply won’t do it or give you a huge hassle)and never once questions the fact that he’s joining the worst team in the league (again if he’s so good this makes no sense).

    Also, in sports sequals, there will be a mentor figure who dies either just before the big game or just as the star player is having a mid-movie crisis.

    Masks come complete with automatic makeup remover just incase you need to dramatically rip off your mask to reveal your Identity and don’t want the makeup you wear to enhance your masked look to be present. (This is known as the Batman effect)

    Unless it’s a comedy or the character is portrayed as a slob, you can eat as many chips, doritos or cheesies and never get either greesy or cheesy fingers.

    The best way to avoid being shot by a volley of bullets is to randomly run the full length of the line of shooters.

    Whenever a building burns to the ground with people inside as a result of arson, all that will remain of any of the victims will be a piece of jewelery given by the hero to his significant other.

    Religious heroes alwasy get shot in the crucifix they wear or the bible they keep in their breast pocket. Thus hurting them like hell and knocking them out so everyone thingks they are dead only to discover the bullet lodged into the religious symbol.

  43. Matt

    Mar 23rd, 2007 at 7:19 am

    A cars tires will screech whenever starting or stopping no matter how slow they are moving.

    Everyone has the perfect ability to drift sideways around a corner at high speed. Also, to drive really fast in reverse whilst looking over your shoulder and then spin the car around to go the right way, usually whilst shooting out the window.

    The car being chased can always drive through a red light and manage to randomly miss all oncoming cars, but the pursuer will either lock up their brakes and hit the steering wheel in frustration, or crash. Same goes for only just getting by an oncoming train at a crossing.

    It’s very easy to break someones neck, just by turning their head quickly, or you can karate chop them in the shoulder to instanly knock them out.

  44. harajuku

    Mar 23rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    when ever a chick is running away form a killer
    she always falls and trips
    and when the hold a knife up to their necks
    the girl is always breathing so hard and swallowing big clums of saliva

  45. knoxer

    Apr 3rd, 2007 at 8:13 pm

    Zooming in on a blurred image will make it clearer.

  46. LeBron Mexico

    Apr 7th, 2007 at 8:47 am

    The girl that the protagonist finally realizes that he is in love with is always on her way out of town to some far-off destination by the end of the film and will have to be pursued to the airport in order to have this love dramatically professed to her.

    At no point in any love scene is there any use of, shot of, or even mentioning of birth control devices or techniques (i.e. condoms, sponges, morning-after pills, etc.).

    One well-timed punch by the protagonist will knock out any overbearing chief, sleazy journalist, or jerk ex-boyfriend with a single blow. The only repercussion for the protagonist is a slight bit of pain in the punching hand that can be cured wth two or three shakes of it.

  47. LeBron Mexico

    Apr 7th, 2007 at 9:04 am

    Hard alcohols are always consumed by the hero straight-up and at room temperature. A small cocktail glass always accompanies this liquor, which is invariably of the brown variety. (Only 2 exceptions: James Bond’s vodka martinis and the Dude’s constant consumption of White Russians)

    Cab drivers are always red-blooded Americans born and raised in the good old U.S. of A., possessing an impeccable mastery of the English language.

    Dramatic fights last until the end of the movie, as opposed to the 15-20 seconds before cops/bouncers break it up or someone loses consciousness.

  48. SixFive175

    Apr 20th, 2007 at 6:44 am

    1. All hunches are correct. Example: “Suppose the serial killer is a woman!”. Turns out, finally, it’s a woman.

    2. Housing costs don’t exist. Example: A rookie cop (who lives alone) living in a Manhattan penthouse with terrace and view over Central Park. Cost in real life: $8M.

  49. SixFive175

    Apr 20th, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Chess game. The first character to die is usually black or young. Each succeeding death is harder and harder.

    The final combat scene is drawn out and exceedingly difficult. For most of it, the bad guy wins. Then the good guy, who is beaten, finds new determination and energy and overcomes the bad guy.

    The bad guy is next to impossible to beat. It doesn’t matter if the bad guy is a 70 year old man with back pain, and the good guy is 25 and strong. The bad guy will win through the first 3/4ths of the final drawn-out battle. Only at the end does the good guy get superhuman strength to beat the bad guy.

    The good guy will finally win, even if he’s 75 with arthritis, chasing a young robber across a parking lot. He always gets his man.

  50. SixFive175

    Apr 20th, 2007 at 6:55 am

    Turn the sound off and you’ll see that most dramatic car chases are going at about 20 mph, if that. But the sound of squealing tires and fast engines makes you think they’re going 80 or 100.

  51. Ed M

    Apr 20th, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    City streets are always wet, but the cars are never wet.

    Good guys jump out of windows in an alley and land on empty boxes, but bad guys are thrown out and land on dumpsters or cars.

    Two guys in a car on a stakeout are invisible if they’re parked across the street and one house down from the house they’re watching.

    Every movie made after 1999 has “Trust me” in the dialog.

  52. Damian P.

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:08 am

    A large audience will always begin clapping, very slowly, after bring told by the main character that they’ve been fooled all along.

    In court, direct examination of witnesses consists of two questions.

    Air bags in cars never detonate on impact with a sudden, violent bang, but slowly inflate several minutes after the crash.

    Good guys use Macs. Bad guys use PCs.

  53. IK

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:15 am

    Some penny-ante snitch, shoplifter, or otherwise minor hoodlum will know the name, location, and plans of the most evil and successful criminal in town, thereby allowing the hero to find everything out in 1 minute of screen time, and with a 20 dollar bill.

  54. steve

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:37 am

    “Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.”

    Also, if someone phones someone up and says “look at the news!” the TV will turn on to the news bulletin, no matter how long it takes to turn the TV on.

  55. Ross

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:57 am

    All single women have a cat.

    I assume “cat” is a euphemism?

  56. Bart

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:01 am

    All powerful men in government or big business are wholly corrupt and motivated solely by the acquisition of money.

  57. youforgotone

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:11 am

    You forgot the most important one:

    “Heat” does not rise in a movie (if there is even such a thing as “heat.”)

    If you are dangled by your feet over a volcano with your face inches from the lava, you are completely safe, so long as you don’t touch the 3,000 degree lava.

  58. jay

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:21 am

    Computer screens (usually security, gov’t, etc.) alway have the mysterious ability to project images, text or grids onto the face of the person using it.

    Meetings among criminals are always held in very dim light, no matter where they are.

  59. william

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:22 am

    A single kiss under any circumstances will immediately raise a woman’s libido to a fever pitch.

  60. Herb

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:25 am

    Rich or poor, and regardless of their health status, good guys always have perfect teeth. Villains usually do too.

    Throughout the universe, there are only a few civilizations that do not speak English, but there are none that speak French, German, or Chinese.

  61. Ernie G

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:25 am

    Surveillance videos have infinite resolution. The detective tells the technician to “Zoom in on that car a block away.” Instead of seeing pixels the size of bricks, we see the license plate, clear and sharp.

  62. Bob

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:29 am

    Any movie that’s historically set in the 1970’s will include a derogatory remark about President Nixon.

  63. Real Doc

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:38 am

    Doctors are personally and emotionally invested in whether the patient gets better.

  64. luxman

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:39 am

    Whenever anyone receives a phonecall in the middle of the night, it’s always 3:00 am. Exactly. “Do you have any idea what time it is? It’s 3 o’clock in the morning.”

  65. Brother Bark

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:47 am

    Icebergs sink. (In at least one old movie, the name of which escapes me now).

  66. gordon

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 7:02 am

    harajuku: not only will she always trip and fall but neither will she kick off her high heels and, before she falls, she will stop at least once and look back to see if the bad guy is still there.

    Also, heros will absorb tremendous kicks and punches to the face but will never be puffed up or swollen (maybe bruised a little) unless the hero is a boxer.

  67. Ceili221

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 7:12 am

    1) When about to have sex, clothes melt seamlessly off bodies. No one ever needs to sit down and take off shoes and socks.

    2) When naked, indentations from wastebands, bras, etc are never present.

  68. Achillea

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:12 am

    Any file the protagonist/intrepid sidekick is looking for for will be found in the front half of the top drawer of the filing cabinet. Said filing cabinet will be unlocked, no matter how sensitive/dangerous the file might be.

    Any plot that involves a junkyard, no matter how peripherally, will have at least one character wind up in the car-crusher at some point.

    Any scene that involves a backyard pool will wind up with someone in said pool. If the scene is in anything besides a comedy, heaven help that someone.

    No matter how big and labyrinthine the building, the psycho killer will always not only know where the fleeing victim is headed, but how to get there ahead of her (it’s almost invariably a ‘her’).

    If a fight or chase takes place anywhere near a long drop-off such as the top of a tall building or near the rim of a cliff, someone will always end up going over the edge.

    No matter how hands-on he gets in the hunt for the hero, the master villain will always be the last one killed.

    Three sentences that are guaranteed to get a character killed: “Hang on, I didn’t sign on for this.” “I’m going straight to the police.” “It’s too important to tell you over the phone.”

  69. Grover

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:31 am

    When the hero kills the last of many bad guys after a long shoot out or chase scene, about a dozen cars of police reinforcements will show up to help.

  70. Callisto

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:33 am

    The moon is full every night.

    All prostitutes have hearts of gold and make good wife material.

    All big businesses are corrupt and evil, oil companies extremely so.

    Writers and journalists are always decent and honest seekers of the truth.

    Good guys never get shot in the face and no matter how grievously injured, always live long enough to say a few words.

    No matter how pointless to the plot, the male and female leads will have to have a bedroom scene.

    All gratings covering the entry to a ventilation system will come off with only a tug (no screws), and the shaft is always horizontal and big enough for adults to crawl through.

    Any group of pathetically inept losers with a boozy but lovable old coach will eventually win the sports championship.

  71. Tucson Tarheel

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:49 am

    Medical examiners must always work the term ’subdural hemotoma’ into all autopsy/cause of death findings, even if that wasn’t the cause of death.

    All police computer analysts can enhance the lowest grade audio, video, or still photograph into near CD or HDTV quality with just a few keystrokes.

  72. Jake

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:57 am

    In military themed movies, characters don’t know how to salute (c’mon, it’s not that hard!). Marines and sailors salute in doors, which they don’t in real life.

    Enlisted men are always saintly, thoughtful “everymen”. Officers are generally evil “warmongers”, unless they are cool “flyboys” who have rebel temperaments - personalities that would preclude them from graduating from flight school.

  73. Mike Foster

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 9:13 am

    After two amorous lovers take a torrid turn in the sack (frequently with the woman still wearing a bra), the woman will get up immediately afterwards wearing a pair of panties, implying that the act was consummated as such, or that the first thing a woman does after the deed is done is to replace her panties while still beneath the sheets.

  74. SanJacintoDay

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 9:20 am

    RE: #7

    Einstein’s Theory of Relativity - Movie Version

    The closer one gets to the zero count on the timer, the slower the timer counts.

    The classic illustration of this phenomenom is the Ft. Knox scene in ‘Goldfinger’.

  75. geekWithA.45

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 9:37 am

    Hacking into a computer involves a vast amount of furious, high speed typing, as if the digital guardians where actively dueling you.

    In the real world, it’s more like, >>click

  76. Al

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 10:02 am

    Re 23, in movies in SF, instead of a St Patricks Day parade, people being chased can at any time of the year duck into a Chinese New Year’s parade (which are even better as they have colorful fireworks which always go off at the right time to hide gunshot sounds). Heros when knocked out either waken immediately, or when returning to concsciousness never suffer from headaches, double vision, have difficultly walking, brain damage, they never go into comas either. Just shake it off and you are good to go. Heros when wounded seriously seldom require extensive hospitalization (except at the end of the movie, if the love interest is employed there), usually after a short time the hero will rip IV’s from their arms and dash out of the hospital to carry on, no week, month, or years long rehab required.

  77. Jim Howard

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Movie cars have bright lights in the dashboard that shine on the driver’s face.

  78. JR

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 10:54 am

    When the lead detective has a meeting with his team, it is always productive and completed in seconds or minutes. Every one contributes vital pieces of information and the conversation flows flawlessly with everyone possessing super intelligence and quick thinking abilities.

  79. Brett

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 11:02 am

    Passengers always exit the taxicab and then pay the driver through his window.

  80. Anonymous

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 11:55 am

    41. No one ever forgets a telephone number, even if it was only communicated in the middle of a gunfight or car chase.

  81. NancyB

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    Nobody ever has to go to the bathroom.

  82. NancyB

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 1:00 pm

    Amend that: unless there is an important bit of dialogue that takes place in the men’s room.

  83. Jim

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 2:01 pm

    A couple planning to have sex will begin immediately upon entering an apartment, without bothering to close the door. Foreplay will consist of tearing feverishly at one another’s clothing while bouncing off the walls, with their lips and tongues permanently attached.

  84. Flan

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    When being chased by a monster or bad guys, pretty girls will always trip and fall. Sometimes they get stuck.

  85. Jim

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    Psychotic/serial killers always keep a scrapbook of their murders, and include clippings of the childhood events that lead to their current mental state.

    This scrapbook is always stumbled across by the hero, typically under a bare lightbulb in the killer’s basement.

  86. Smedley J. Vitajex III

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    While searching an office or bedroom, the hero miraculously escapes without notice just as the bad guy enters the room- usually with a chair still rocking slightly or a drapery billowing in the wind of an open window.
    Coroners always eat their lunch while showing the hero the horrifically mangled body of a murder victim. They invariably ask if anyone else would care for half of their sandwich.
    Although deeply immersed in conversation with the female lead, as he passes a newstand or paperbox, the hero will immediately notice a headline that coincides with the very case he’s involved in.

  87. C. Perkins

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

    Exception: Star Trek 6!

  88. madprof

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 5:12 pm

    The smallest woman in the movie can dispatch the hardest criminal with a single kick to the crotch. Male characters never try it.

  89. allen

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    The likelihood of the female lead falling in love is inversely proportional to her initial dislike for/disgusting condition of, the male lead.

    All cars are freshly washed.

    Fist fights always occur between high ranking political/military figures and their evil nemesis. If the fight occurs near the beginning of the movie the evil nemesis will win. If at the end, the high ranking political/military figure, i.e. good guy, will win.

    Detectives always enter buildings in which armed and dangerous criminals are hiding. Generally without backup. They will engage in a significant amount of discussion about the crime and/or the detective’s personal life, several exchanges of gunfire after which the criminal will either be beaten unconscious, fall from a high building or fall into a pool filled with piranhas.

  90. gbradley

    Apr 21st, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    No matter if it is a Baseball or Football game, the main characters will always have seats right behind home plate, or on the 50 yard line.

  91. Sam

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 4:10 am

    During a car chase, tires will squeal on dirt or gravel.

  92. RogerB

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 8:58 am

    Living in a small town, we generally do park right in front of the business we’re going to. We call it “television parking.”
    Also, in any scene where you’re investigating a creeply old house (with a flashlight), a cat will screech and come flying through the air at you.
    And a sad one: in movies you can be “knocked out” and recover immediatly to join the action. A whole generation now fails to understand that all concussions cause some brain damage, and there is at least a recovery period if not permanent effects.

  93. ak

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 am

    In a comedy, if the male protagonist is white, his best friend is black. That’s the rule.

  94. Rob

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 9:20 am

    In car chases the hero car just avoids the woman pushing the pram across the road. Then it crashes through lots of market stalls, destroying the livelihoods of perfectly innocent hard-working people but never actually killing any of them.

  95. Stuart Buck

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 10:02 am

    When a building explodes, the hero and/or heroine will be neither 1) within the blast radius, or 2) watching safely from a comfortable distance away. Instead, they will be running** at top speed away from the building, and right at the moment of the explosion they will take a huge leap that will put them just beyond the danger point.

    ** They will usually be running hand-in-hand. This is because the quickest way for two people to run somewhere is to hold hands.

  96. Stuart Buck

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am

    When the hero is running away and the bad guys are shooting at him with a machine gun, the bullets will consistently hit the ground just behind his feet. This is because it’s impossible to swivel a machine gun as quickly as the hero is running.

  97. matt

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    Cowboys fire special bullets which you can see coming and duck underneath.

    Master-villains are often English (this Hollywood cliche is probably a reverberation of American colonial resentment, but it is exploited by Hollywood to appeal in particular to the Scots-Irish population in the USA). In fact you can be as racist as you like about the English in historical dramas and this is considered a ‘realistic’ view (e.g. Mel Gibson’s Braveheart).

    Only nice guys have pet dogs.

    Conspiracy theories are never wrong.

  98. scotty

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    When investigating a crime scene inside a dark house at night, an invesitgator needs only use a pocket sized flashlight to thoroughly search a large, cluttered room, and quickly locate the small shred of evidence needed to solve the case. (Bonus points if the electricity is fully functional in the house, and simply turning on the light would fully illuminate the room)

  99. joe

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    Number 20 is so nearly true. C’mon. How many single women do you know who don’t have at least one frickin cat?

  100. accipeter

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 10:07 pm

    No matter how hard or how many times the hero gets punched in the face, he will bleed minimally or not at all, and will never suffer any visibly unattractive injury — at worst, a slightly cut lip or a minor yet ruggedly sexy bruise.

  101. accipeter

    Apr 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    In ancient battle scenes, the hero never wears a face-obscuring helmet, even if all of his fellow fighters have them on.

  102. bandit

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 7:56 am

    Corollary to the 1st comment - if you’re hauled before a judge the odds of it being a disinterested middle age white male are about a million to 1

  103. TJ

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 8:09 am

    I always liked when the bad guy screwed a silencer on a revolver, then it made no noise when shooting.

  104. Marco

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 am

    At night, all streets are wet–always. (It photographs better, like the blue light that conveys darkness)

  105. RJ

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 8:50 am

    The announcer at the stadium does play by play over the loudspeaker.

    Whenever an argument breaks out in a group of people everyone starts talking and no one stops to listen until someone yells out “HEY HEY” and then everyone stops arguing at once.

  106. fullchoketubes

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 am

    I can’t believe nobody got this one:
    Pump shotguns never have a round in the chamber until the hero or bad guy has to make a point or threaten somebody. Only then is a round pumped into the chamber. Before that, the weapon was just being carried for exercise.

  107. Tammy

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 am

    Whenever a car is chasing a person(s) the people being chased never think of running behind a tree or a building where the car may not be able to hit them.

  108. vaughn

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    On TV all judges are Black women
    When being chased by someone, always run up a building to get to the roof. (see Casino Royale)
    To get an elevator, just push the button. It will miraculously appear.
    The crook, instead of shooting the hero when he has a chance, will talk to him and allow him to figure out an escape.
    After an operation, a woman will have on her full makeup and hair in place.
    Newborn babies are always at least a month old and know how to smile.
    When being chased by a hero, just keep running. Never try to mingle with the crowds. (again see Casino Royale)

  109. Colonel O'Neill

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    The Stargate Shooter’s Guide:
    No matter how much body armor the bad guy is wearing or how fast the alien heals from bullets fired through its body the good guys will never think to take a head shot. Instead they’ll empty several clips futilely into the badguy’s body then despair over the unfairness of having “unkillable” opponents.
    Corrollary: if the bad guy is wearing a helmet sparks will fly off of it from the numerous bullet impacts. Head shots are only avoided if the badguy’s head is left unprotected.

  110. dg

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    If a movie disease requires an antidote, one of the characters will have the exact mutation in his/her DNA necessary.

    If the character is a she, her mutation will probably be caused by her being pregnant, a fact which her significant other will not know about yet.

  111. Matt

    Apr 23rd, 2007 at 8:34 pm

    Pregnant women always go into labor if caught in a stuck elevator or a hostage situation…and the baby is always fine after being delivered by the hero, or a medical professional who just happens to be there.

  112. Dr. Sparky

    Apr 24th, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    If you have been kidnapped, your cell phone will either be out of juice or have no signal. Sucks to be you.

  113. Token Black Guy

    Jun 18th, 2007 at 8:46 am

    In all martial art movies the hero can beat up 30 ninjas and martial art masters in 5 minutes. But if he smart mouths to his 100 year old gramma, she has the speed to slap him.

    Protaganist can always find inspiration/motivation for the big challenge from dead best friend (aka Goose) or dead parent.

    Single parents usually lose their spouse to cancer (and they’re still not over it).

    Kids are always smarter than the adults..and smart asses too.

    James Bond never gets gonnorhea

  114. Melissa

    Jul 24th, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    I know this is an old entry, but I just stumbled upon it. I enjoyed all the provided “only in the movies” rules, both in the entry and in the comments. I’ve also brainstormed a few more, and if they’re repeats of any of the above, please accept my apologies.

    More on kids in the movies:

    - In horror flicks, children — and by extension, children’s toys — are the source of unimaginable evil.

    - In a horrific freak accident or major disaster that levels an entire apartment complex/housing compound/town, a lone child under the age of 7 will be the sole survivor. Said child will also have no serious injuries and will, at worst, have some minor bruising and be caked with dirt or soot. When found, said child will be conscious and crying for their mommy, and clinging to their favourite doll/stuffed animal/security blanket, which will have miraculously remained intact.

    - Children never die in the movies. Unless the death of a child is a major plot point, in which case, the child will be depicted as suffering on-screen but will die either off-screen or when the camera view is shifted to observe an adult’s prolonged reaction.

    - Disabled children are always weak, and are often used as a reminder to the hero of his own mortality. No disabled children are depicted as being happy in spite of their limitations, or having the ability to overcome them.

    - A child is either withdrawn and shyly hiding behind their parent’s leg, or a completely hyper bundle of energy. There is no happy medium.

    - A child who is shy and doesn’t behave like her desperately in need of ritalin peers is most likely being abused by her parents or a trusted elder. (And it’s usually a female child being abused.)

    - Little boys are ALWAYS troublemakers, and little girls are ALWAYS very bright and studious. Unless it’s a black child in a comedy, in which case, he or she will be intelligent but have a bit of an attitude problem, and speak in street slang despite being too young to actually know what the adult vernacular means.

  115. Idunno

    Aug 31st, 2007 at 2:27 am

    “Computers run Movie OS or Apple’s Mac OS. They never run Windows.”
    Check out “The Constant Gardener”, the whiz kid runs some bastard child of OS X and Windows!

  116. Lucas

    Aug 31st, 2007 at 9:52 am

    Whenever a dog appears, it will whine or bark or breathe heavily. Similarly, a cat will meow, unless with a single child, when it will purr. All large animals will make a single “large animal” sound. For example an elephant will make the elephant sound etc. Hippo’s are excluded because they must be mute in nature.

  117. Ryan of the RSL Music Blog

    Aug 31st, 2007 at 10:24 am

    When hackers break into a huge super-computer guarded by firewalls and secure networks in movies, THERE WILL ALWAYS be a well crafted animation depicting the actual assault on the computer network. Generally this well-placed animation will portray a venomous snake in a digital neon-colored 3-D world.

  118. OrangeAppled

    Aug 31st, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    When a man asks a woman on a date that she likes, she always answers by hesitating for a moment, smiling, and saying “I’d like that”. No woman in real life responds that way; you say “yes”, “yeah”, “sounds fun”, but never “I’d like that”.

    When a woman is shown nude or partially nude it is usually sexy, if a man is, then it is usually presented as comical.

    The nerdy kids are always envious of the “popular” kids & are dying to be a part of their crowd. The most popular girl is a bitch, but the most popular guy is actually really a nice & smart person who ends up with the nerdy girl, who is usually gorgeous.

    High school movies always end with prom & make the prom out to be the pinnacle of the high school experience and possibly life.

    Already mentioned, but it really bugs me: struggling artists and dog walkers & other people with low-paying jobs have these amazing apartments in the most desirable locations.

    Any movie set in ancient times (Greece, Rome) has the characters speaking with British accents, even though they are not English.

  119. harry

    Aug 31st, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    yeah the martial arts fighting one pisses me off too! There’s a trailer for a new game on PS3 where it boasts of having 1000 enemies on screen (whats it called? sacred blade or something?) The enemies do that exact thing in that! As for if you’ve had #18 happen in real life, that’s cos you’re a dumbass who can’t work a P.A properly, never happens to me, that’s why you have a level check BEFORE you even OPEN whatever mic-based offering you have arranged. good list tho, nice and short at 40, i’ve seen similar lists run into the hundreds!

  120. Physco

    Sep 3rd, 2007 at 12:58 am

    It takes Only a few keystrokes to hack into a government computer. Guns never run out of ammo when shooting henchmen but when shot at the boss the gun is ALWAYS OUT. A single man can endure hundreds of gun shots, punches, stabs, landings from high places, but it only takes one shot, punch, stab, or fall…to kill a bad guy. You can survive a direct attack from an rpg if you hide behide a sheet of metal.Cars can be used to knock down a helicoper if your out of bullets (lol die hard) THERE IS NO POINT IN CHECKING IF THE BAD GUY IS DEAD! There is always a gun in reach when you fall onto the ground. There is always a fruit, vegetable, or any other kind of stand that gets knocked over in a car chase. The funny,sexy, or black person is always the first to die. The bad guy always dies in some cool,strange,funny, or ironic way. Any one, even without ever using a gun will be able to shoot perfectly.

  121. Jor

    Dec 4th, 2007 at 6:06 am

    Anyone who coughs (once is enough), has longcancer
    Anyone who forgets anything has alzheimer
    Anyone who had a headache, has a tumor

  122. Charles

    Dec 31st, 2007 at 8:54 am

    #34 CAN happen, but historically never has. This was demonstrated on “Mythbusters” using a sim. It can also be landed automatically, as someone else here has pointed out. All of 3 or 4 switches need to be thrown. When will there be an “Airplane!” sequel in which alcohol, not food poisoning, incapacitates both pilots?

  123. Andy

    Dec 31st, 2007 at 2:30 pm

    Any time Stadium lights are turned on, it’s with a huge knife switch, followed by a loud bang that reverberates throughout the stadium.

  1. 1 The Daily Connect: - The Largest Minority Pingback on Mar 20th, 2007 at 11:42 am

    [...] 40 Things That Only Happen in Movies. I’m going to suggest the following addition: It is never necessary to watch the road while driving, occasionally checking it between dialogue will suffice. [...]

  2. 2 links for 2007-04-21 | Funny Stuff is all around Pingback on Apr 20th, 2007 at 4:39 pm

    [...] 40 Things That Only Happen In The Movies (tags: movies facts humour funny scene) [...]

  3. 3 Venture Chronicles Trackback on Apr 21st, 2007 at 9:19 am

    49 Things That Only Happen In The Movies…

    40 Things That Only Happen In The Movies - That was funny:

    17 If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have de…

  4. 4 Club for Growth Trackback on Apr 21st, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    40 Things That Only Happen In The Movies…

    Via Instapundit, here’s the list. My favorite (which annoys me when I see it) is: If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening mann…

  5. 5 WetWorx » Blog Archive » My favorite is number 21. No, wait, 26. Ok, 30. 32. Pingback on Apr 22nd, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    [...] on April 22nd, 2007 in Interesting by Bill (No Ratings Yet)  Loading … 40 THINGS THAT ONLY HAPPEN IN THE MOVIES: Well, 39, [...]

  6. 6 the evangelical outpost Trackback on Apr 22nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm

    Thirty Three Things (v. 8)…

    1. The New Criterion’s Roger Kimball on conservatism: “Conservative”: that means wanting to conserve what is worth preserving from the ravages of time and ideology, evil and stupidity. In some plump eras, as Evelyn Waugh observed in one of his……

  7. 7 Pajamas Media Trackback on Apr 23rd, 2007 at 5:45 am

    40 Things That Only Happen In The Movies….

    And plenty more in the comments. (That Was Funny blog)……

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