You Know It’s Going To Be A Bad Day When:

You wake up face down on the pavement
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from last night’s party – and there aren’t any
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city
Your twin sister forgets your birthday
You wake up to discover that your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed
Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway
You see the “60 Minutes” News Team waiting in your Office
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off you coat
You walk to work and discover that your dress is tucked in the back of your pantyhose
Your kid say “Did you know that it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet?”
You’re driving to work smoking a cigarette. At a stop light, you drop it between your legs. As you frantically search for it, a full city bus pulls up alongside of your car.
You wake up to late to catch the van pool – then you realize that you’re driving the van this week