What Men Are Really Thinking

Men say one thing, but their mind is operating in entirely another direction. Here’s what guys say, but what they really mean.

Men Say

What It Really Means

It’s a guy thing. There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
Sure, honey, or Yes, dear. Absolutely nothing. It is a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.
My wife doesn’t understand me. She’s heard all my stories before, and is tired of them.
It would take too long to explain. I have no idea how it works.
I’m getting more exercise lately. The batteries in the remote are dead.
Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard. I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
That’s interesting, dear. Are you still talking?
You expect too much of me. You want me to stay awake.
That’s women’s work. It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.
Will you marry me? Both my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter.
I do help around the house. I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.
I can’t find it. It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.
What did I do this time? What did you catch me at?
She’s one of those rabid feminists. She refused to make my coffee.
I’m going to stop off for a quick one with the guys. I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest-pounding, mouth-breathing, pre-evolutionary companions.
You know I could never love anyone else. I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
You look terrific. Oh, please, don’t try on one more outfit. I am starving.
I missed you. I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.
I am not lost. I know exactly where we are. No one will ever see us alive again.
We share the housework. I make the messes, she cleans them up.
This relationship is getting too serious. I like you more than my truck.
I recycle. We could pay the rent with the money from my empties.
I don’t need to read the instructions. I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
I broke up with her. She dumped me.