MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox

DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn’t eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s

LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke

DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

THURSDAY:

BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza

LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

FRIDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you.

LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder

DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

SATURDAY:

BREAKFAST - Sleep through it.

LUNCH - Ditto

DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

SUNDAY:

BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.

DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

Questions NOT to ask at the job interview, I will take two, New dean, Blackmail, Adopted son, Are you choking?, Watermelon art, Your Mom doesn’t pick favorites, 41 facts about Washington, Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary, The ten most wanted men, Josh Groban | Noel

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