That was funny

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

I don’t suffer from stress. I’m just a carrier.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.