Real Women vs. Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for pete’s sake. You’re probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha Stewart: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha Stewart: When a recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead of flour and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Real Women: Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.

Martha Stewart: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess for an instant “fix me up.”
Real Women: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too darn bad. I made it and you will eat it.

Martha Stewart: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting it in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Real Women: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha Stewart: Brush some beaten egg white over a piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don’t do it.

Martha Stewart: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women: Take a lime, cut it in half and mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Martha Stewart: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women: Go ask the very cute neighbor to open it for you.

Martha Stewart: Don’t throw away all that leftover wine. Freeze it into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Women: Leftover wine?