Clean jokes that are safe for work
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs…
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can’t Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD}Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up !
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.’
‘What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable .
‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose.’
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
‘There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?’
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, ‘It is all really quite simple… ‘
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my driving-call 1- 800-‘.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space’
8. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
9. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
148 of them, bookmark this page to view one cake a day, and you’re set for half a year.
“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half your job for you.”
Studying the machine the senior VP decided, “Fine, I’ll take two.”
Listening to the commencement address by the new dean, Professor Papp turned to a woman sitting beside him.
“Can you believe that the trustees named someone so ugly to be our new dean?”
Stiffening, the woman said, “I beg your pardon, but do you know who I am?”
Turning to study her, the professor replied, “Can’t say I do.”
“I’ll have you know that I am that ugly man’s wife!”
Drawing himself erect, the professor shot back, “And do you know who I am?”
“I haven’t had the pleasure,” she said icily.
“Good,” he replied, “then my job’s still safe.”
“Hey, Mom,” asked Ralph. “Will you lend me five dollars?”
“Certainly not.”
“If you do,” he went on, “I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”
The woman’s ears perked and, grabbing her pocketbook, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”
“He said, “Hey, Marion, make sure you do my socks tomorrow.”
