Cartman:: How ’bout we sing, ‘Kyle’s Mom is a stupid bitch’ in D Minor.

Cartman:: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Cartman:: I’m not fat. I’m big-boned.
Stan:: No, Jay Leno’s chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.

Stan:: You can’t just show up to a Civil War re-enactment dressed up like General Lee, FatAss.
Cartman:: Oh really? I’m pretty sure I just did.

Cartman:: You know the feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up your ass?

Cartman:: Only three more hours, sea people. Only three more hours and you can take me away from this crappy goddamn planet full of hippies.

Cartman:: Okay, that does it! Why has everything today involved things either going in or coming out of my ass!?

Kindergartener #1:: This looks too tough. We’re going to play Harry Potter with the other kids.
Kindergartener #2:: Me too.
Cartman:: Fine. Go on and play ‘Harry Butthole Pussy Potter.’

Cartman:: Kyle, I swear to God, if I didn’t have a guy’s hand up my butt right now, I would leap across the room and kick you in the nuts.

Cartman:: Shut up Kyle! Shut your Goddamn’ Jew mouth! You’re the reason that there’s war in the Middle East.

Stan:: What does ‘fingerbang’ mean, anyway?
Cartman:: I saw it on HBO. I think it’s when you pretend to use your finger like it’s a gun or something.
Kenny:: [Mumbles]
Stan:: Kenny says that’s not what it means.
Cartman:: All right. Kenny. What does it mean?
Kenny:: [Mumbles]
Cartman:: Ugh. That’s sick. Why the hell would anyone want to do that?

Cartman:: Sticks and stones may break my bones but I’m Jesus.

Cartman:: Too bad drinking scotch isn’t a paying job or Kenny’s dad would be a millionare!

Butters:: We’re not Christian, we just pretended to be.
Cartman:: Remind me to cut your balls off when we get back.

Cartman:: Naw dude, Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They’re always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Cartman:: Don’t worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny’s family’s on welafare and they’re happy, isn’t that right, Kenny?
Kenny:: Fuck you.

Cartman:: Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wee’s is not cool!

Cartman:: Well God, I guess you got me again, didn’t you? Yeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard.

Cartman:: I’m not fat, I just haven’t grown into my body yet you skinny bitch.

Cartman:: Oh, oh, Jesus. I was laughing so hard–the milk came out of my nose.
Stan:: Dude, you weren’t drinking any milk.
Cartman:: Huh?
Stan:: You have to be drinking milk for that to happen.
Cartman:: Not with me, man.

Cartman:: In the Ghetto! On a cold and gray Chicago morn, another baby child is born in the ghetto. In the ghetto!

Mr. Garrison:: Congratulations, Eric, on writing the award-winning paper.
Cartman:: Kick ass.
Stan:: That’s impossible. Cartman doesn’t know a rainforest from a Pot-Tart.
Cartman:: Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted.

Cartman:: Think about it - it’s the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right? If we just sing about how much we love Jesus, all the Christians will buy our crap.”

Kyle:: [The boys are confronted by Afghan soldiers.] Uh, greetings from Canada. Well boys, it’s ‘aboot’ time we get back to our ‘hoose’ in Canada, isn’t it?
Cartman:: Hey, what the hell are you talking about? I’m not a Goddamn’ Canandian and neither are you.
Stan:: Cartman, you stupid asshole.

Cartman:: I was just layin’ down some rhymes, with the G-folk, you know, kickin’ it on the west siy-eede.
Kyle:: You live on the EAST side, Cartman.

Carman:: Why does this happen every month? It seems like right about the same time every month, Kyle’s mom gets a hair up her ass about something, and I always end up getting screwed by it.

Cartman:: Speilberg - Jew … Lucas - Jew … Kyle - Jew.

Stan:: OmiGod, you guys are not gonna believe what happened to me last night!
Cartman:: What? tell us!
Stan:: So, I’m watching the season premiere of ‘Boy Meets Boy’ on television, right, and then ‘Queer Eye For the Straight Guy’ comes on! So I fall asleep in front of the TV and when I wake up, I see that I’ve spilled the Coke I was drinking, ALL over my satin pajama top.
Cartman:: OmiGod! Are you serious? That was the cutest top ever!
Stan:: I know!
(Kenny mumbles)
Stan:: Oh, tell me about it Ken Doll.

Cartman:: Kenny’s family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.

Cartman:: Anyway Kenny, Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments for a year or two.

Cartman:: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle:: There’s no sand in my vagina!

Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, 29 rules of dating for women, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary, The ten most wanted men, Think you have a cold day?, Secluded vacation, Witty ads from around the world, Cute babies, Perfect timing!, 15 ways to tell if someone is a teenager, Texas justice, 12 Lawyer Joke, Josh Groban | Noel

  1. shaun

    Thats Fine.. screw you guys!!! im going home

  2. Daniel

    Cartman: Im going to kill you token
    Token: What?
    Cartman:Nothing

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