# Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.
# If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He’ll be back to his usual self.
# A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So she gets a divorce.
# Marriage certificate?
It’s just another name for her work permit.
# When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.
# “It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
I will never forget that game of cards…”
# Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can’t afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a “real woman”…
# Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent…. Wedding cake!!!
# Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
# If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can’t hear the TV
# If you think he’s listening to you, you’re wrong he’s trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation
# If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!
# If men got pregnant…. abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
# Men are like roller coasters: when it’s good you don’t want to get off, and when it isn’t… you can’t wait to throw up.
# Behind every great man is a woman with a vibrator
# If he asks you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing.
# Scientist have finally discovered the chemical formula for Viagra.
# Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany
# Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
# Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.
# The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you’re sick of him.
# The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
# If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books.
# A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually, “Oh alright, I’ll stay the night.”
# Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
# Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
# Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men a woman
# When God made Man, she was just kidding.
# If God had wanted men to be perfect, he’d have given them brains
# Men is proof even God makes mistakes
# Men? On the whole, I’d rather buy new batteries.
# Men read Playboy for the articles women go to malls for the music.
# Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.
# Men love sex with redheads, but their wives don’t appreciate it!
# Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win…they lose.
# Men of quality respect women’s equality.
# Men play the game. Women know the score.
# Flies spread disease, keep your’s zipped
# Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.
# Women are a pain in the ass, men are a pain EVERYWHERE!
# Men have a joystick whereas women just have a game port.
# Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
# Men, stupid? You’d be dense too if you had your brain in your pants!
# If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach you’re aiming way too high
# It was love at first sight. He walked by and I saw the twinkle in his eye.
I never knew that someone could be so in love with his own reflection in the mirror.
# Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn’t even have bothered to have lunch with.
# Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.