Letter from Wal-Mart
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peopleâ€™s carts when they werenâ€™t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, â€œCode 3 in house waresâ€â€¦ and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Mâ€™s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a â€˜CAUTION – WET FLOORâ€™ sign to a carpeted area.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, â€œWhy canâ€™t you people just leave me alone?â€
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the â€˜Mission Impossibleâ€™ theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his â€˜Madonna lookâ€™ using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled â€œPICK ME! PICK ME!â€
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams â€œNO! NO! Itâ€™s those voices again!â€
And last, but certainly not leastâ€¦
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, â€œThere is no toilet paper in here!â€