That was funny

Bender: “One of you will have to fill in for me while I’m gone.”
Professor Farnsworth: “Better yet, I’ll build someone to fill in for you.
Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monsters with
freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal…”

The boss: “Get a load of ball bearings on this guy.”

Bender: “You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good
high-quality oil, then eat it.”

Leela: “Where were you at 10pm last night?”
Professor Farnsworth: “Where am I now?”

Bender: “Tell the Donbot I’m quitting organized crime. From now on I’ll stick
to the regular kind.”

Bender: “Hey, guess what you’re accessories to?”

Bender: “Like most of life’s problems, this one can be solved with bending.”

Dr. Zoidberg: “Look at me! I’m Dr. Zoidberg, home-owner!”

Bender: “Argh. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.”

Professor Farnsworth: “He may have ocean madness, but that’s no excuse for
ocean rudeness.”

Fry: “You know what I like best about you, Umbrielle? You find me
fascinating, even when I’m not claiming to be a jewel thief
or a lion tamer.”

Hermes: “The poor demented honky.”

Bender: “In the event of an emergency, my ass can be used as a floatation
device.”

Fry: “Hey, you guys, the most amazing thing happened, it’s two-for-one
Tuesday at Krispy Kreme! Plus there’s mermaids.”

Hermes: “I miss my wife and my oxygen.”
Professor Farnsworth: “Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.”

Amy: “What about Umbrielle?”
Fry: “Well, it turned out I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her.”
Amy: “Trouble in bed.”

Hermes: “Hail, Atlanta.”

Professor: “Good news, everyone, the university is bringing me up on
disclipinary charges. Wait, that’s not good news at all.”

Dr. Zoidberg: “Now I’m not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you
consider his age he’s likely to die soon.”

Dr. Zoidberg: “A successor to the professor?”

Hermes: “Up yours, Zoidberg. Up wherever your species traditionally crams
things.”

Bender: “Is he dumb or just ugly?”

Professor: “If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, you can bet I won’t be
out of loop.”

Professor: “Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.”

Cubert: “Robots are very good at keeping secrets.”
Bender: “No, we’re not, you little bed-wetter. Oops, I’m sorry.”

Leela: “There it is, the near-death star.”

Cubert: “Why do I have to be the hump?”
Fry: “‘Cause you’re too ugly to be a wart.”

Leela: “We’ve blown out one of our engines.”
Fry: “Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it… fix it, fix it, fix
it!”

Professor: “Good news, everyone. Several years ago I tried to log onto AOL, and
it just went through. Whee! We’re online.”

Fry: “Well, thanks to the internet I’m now bored with sex. Is ther a place
on the web that panders to my lust for violence?”
Bender: “Is the space-pope reptilian?”

Computer: “Leela, you’ve got mail. It’s not spam!”

Leela: “Are you real, or am I seeing single?”
Alcazar: “Ow. Of course I’m real.”
Leela: “After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn’t a clumsy
carpenter or a kid with a BB gun.”

Alcazar: “I hope you don’t think less of me becuase I live in a giant
castle.”

Leela: “He’s crude and gross and he treats me like a slave.”
Fry: “Then dump his one-eyed ass.”

Alcazar: “Leela, this must all be very confusing.”
Leela: “A little. That’s why I’ve decided to hurt you until you explain it.”

Leela: “If you could change form, why didn’t you change it in the one place
that counts?”

Fry: “Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn’t her’s, it was
her dad’s. Actually, she wasn’t my girlfriend, she just lived next door and
never closed her curtains.”
Leela: “Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a
sentence earlier?”

Bender: “Aw, I think I got whiplash.”
Leela: “You can’t have whiplash, you don’t have a neck.”
Bender: “I meant ass whiplash.”

Dr. Zoidberg: “It funny because it’s poisonous.”
Fry: “Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp.”

Fry: “I’m not prejudiced.”
Bender: “Ah, save it for the cross-burning, Adolf.”

Bob Barker: “Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home atomic tiara?”

Bob Barker: “I may be against the fur industry, but that won’t stop me from
skinning you alive… as long as no one wears the skin.”
Fry: “How can I live my life if I can’t tell good from evil?”
Bender: “Ah, they’re both fine choices, whatever floats your boat.”

“Are you all right?” -Leela
“Ah, it’s nothing a a law suit won’t cure.” -Bender

“Aw, poor baby, chipped a fang.” -Leela
“Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don’t see anyone kissing it.” -Bender
“All right, I’m coming.” -Zoidberg

“Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone’s going to jump out of
it, make sure to put them in after you cook it.”
-Leela

“And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place
where I too hope one day to go: the toilet.”
-Prof. Farnsworth

“Hey, you know what’d cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy.” -Amy
“A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies….” -Leela

“I love every living creature.” -Leela
“Even me?” -Fry
“As a friend.” -Leela

“Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh.” -Fry
“Well, it’s a Fox affiliate.” -TV worker guy
“What are you showing right now?” -Fry
“‘Single Female Lawyer.’ It’s the season finale. Wanna watch?” -TV worker
guy
“I dunno. That’s a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre, World’s
Blankiest Blank.” -Fry
“She is wearing the world’s shortiest skirt.” -TV worker guy
“I’m in.” -Fry

“Oh my god, you knocked Fox off the air!” -TV worker guy
“Like anyone on earth cares.” -Fry