That was funny

Professor: Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good
captain can’t have either one. That’s why cold, logical Bender
is perfect for the job.
Bender: Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Paul: If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey,
I don’t wanna be right.

Give a hoot-o
Don’t pollute Pluto

Leela: Bender’s flying too low! And he’s upside-down!
Protestor: He must be talking on a cell-phone.

Paul: Good way to avoid frostbite, folks, put your hands between
your buttocks. That’s nature’s pocket.

Fry: Where’s Captain Bender? Off catastrophizing some other planet?

Paul: It seems dark-matter is nature’s sex drug. It’s like a perverted
trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguine Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

Leela: Is there some way to keep them from breeding?
Paul: Cold showers don’t work on Antarctic creatures.

Leela: I’m sorry, but if it’s fun in any way it’s not environmentalism.
Paul: Oh, really? How about blowing up dams?

Bender: I don’t know why, but when I look down at their little faces
it makes me want to puke… in a good way.

Bender: If it ain’t black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

Bender: Life is hilariously cruel.

Professor: I’ve been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my
hips were made of bone.

Zoidberg: This letter has to be very personal, so I’m
writing it in my own ink.

Final Curtain
Old Actors’ Home

Star Tours
Note: bus does not leave earth

Calculon: I’m programmed to be very busy.

Zoidberg: That’s where I’m meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to
discuss my Hollywood dream. The next time you see me, don’t
be surprised if I’ve eaten.

Zoidberg: Uncle Zoid, you’re looking young enough to be thrown back!

Calculon: An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering
rats’ nest called television once and for all.

Calculon: I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

La Brea Tar Pits
As seen on the tar channel

Calculon: I’ve seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

Oscar Party
No losers admitted

Champion Pet Show Today
Kids: See Toucan Sam’s death mask

Awards ceremony in progress
No pooping

Leela: Ah, maybe they’re right, maybe Nibbler is dumb.
Fry: Don’t listen to them, Leela. People said I was dumb but I proved them!

Fry: What are we going to do?
Professor: Duh, I know, let’s play the lottery.
Amy: No, let’s buy internet stock.
Zoidberg: On margin! Zoidbee wants to buy on margin.
Hermes: Look at me! I’m invisible.
Fry: Wait a minute, I know what’s going on here. You’ve all become idiots.
Bender: Hey, let’s go join the Reform party!
Everyone: Yeah!

Niblonian: They travel from world to world making everyone stupid in
order to wipe out all thought in the universe.
Leela: Wipe out all thought? My God, they’re like flying televisions.

Niblonian 1: You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest.
Leela: You can count on me!
Niblonian 1: No we can’t. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid
to remember the message.
Niblonian 2: That’s why we wrote it down.
Niblonian 3: We’ve also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Professor: Those delightful birds with their chirp chirp chirp
and their tweet tweet splat.

Professor: Some say I’m robbing the cradle but I say she’s robbing the grave.

Tonight’s special, blackened leftovers

Tonight’s special, blackened blackened leftovers

Bender: I finally meet a nice girl with a pair of legs
that don’t quite unexpectedly…

Robot Nite - Designated device drivers drink free

Got protoplasm?

Bender: I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much.
You even love anybody pretending to be him!
Angleyne: Well, maybe I love you so much I love you no matter
who you’re pretending to be.
Bender: Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that.

Professor: Perhaps it’s your outlook that need a good bend, a ninety
degree bend to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

Zapp: There’s only one surefire way back into a woman’s heart and
parts beyond. I speak, of course, of Karaoke.

Zapp: She’s built like a steak house but she handles like a bistro.

Zapp: You win again, gravity!

Zoidberg: Muy macho. Hey, gringos, here comes El Zoido to ruin
your drinking water!

Bender: Oh… your… God.

Leela: Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer and
reprogram it to let them go.
Bender: Maybe you can interface with my ass… by biting it.

Zapp: The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongey and bruised.

Regular Matter, Dark Matter, Wassa Matter

Fry: It’s like a party in my mouth and everyone’s throwing up.

Janitor: Oh, marmalade!

Bender: He’s a witch!

Amy: Worms? Ew, pukatronic!

Professor: Anywho, your net suits will let you experience Fry’s
worm-infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
Zoidberg: There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like.