Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot?
Professor: No. Why would I know that?

Fry: I want to see the edge of the universe.
Amy: Ooh, that sounds cool.
Zoidberg: It’s funny. You live in the universe by you
never do these things ’til someone comes to visit.

Fry: So, there’s an infinite number of parallel universes?
Professor: No, just the two.
Fry: Oh, well, I’m sure that’s enough.

Handcrafters: New hands in about an hour
Fry: These new hands are great. I’m gonna break them in tonight.

Fry: I’ve only got two fantasies left: to be invisible in a
chocolate factory, and to be romantically linked to a celebrity.
Bender: I could pound your head ’til you think that’s what happened.
Fry: Okay.

nappster.com: Download any celebrity from A.A. Milne to Z.Z. Top

If food is not reasonably clean, return uneaten portion for partial refund

Brooklyn Aquarium, special exhibit: boids of da wattah

Professor: Oh, dear. She’s stuck in an infinite loop and he’s an idiot.
Well, that’s love for you.

Bender: Stay away from our women. You got metal fever, baby, metal fever!

Professor: I knew I should have shown him “Electro-Gonnorhea, the Noisy Killer.”

Lucy Liu: That was incredible, Bender. You’re like Jackie Chan
before he got all doughy.

Zapp: Now that’s a wave of destruction that’s easy on the eyes.

Leela: And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Fry: Lucy Liu-bot, if I don’t survive the corn, I want you to know that I
love you as much as a man can love a computerized image of a gorgeous
celebrity, which it turns out is a lot.

Leela: Your face can take a lot of punishment. That’s good to know.
Fry: There’s a lot about my face you don’t know.

Professor: While you were gone the Trotters held a news conference
to announce that I was a jive sucker.

Marv Albert: He’s really showing us what a man with a cannon
in his chest can do.

Leela: I don’t know what you did, Fry, but once again you screwed
up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin’ wise about our mommas.
Hermes: I’m just glad my fat ugly momma isn’t alive to see this day.

Bubblegum: Good lord, that sucker’s shakin’ around like
some fine imported booty.

Leela: Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: Sorry, you must have been boring.

Leela: I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Fry: Drugs are for losers, and hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

Fry: How did I get Leela to love me? I’ve got to figure it out.
Hermes: Maybe you’re just a fantastic lover, Fry.
Amy: No.

Professor: Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s
court. I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Bubblegum: Bender, you can talk trash, you can handle the ball,
but look in your heart and ask yourself: are you funky
enough to be a Globe Trotter? Are you?
Bender: Yes.
Bubblegum: Are you?
Bender: I mean, with time, my funk level could…
Bubblegum: Are you?!
Bender: No.
Bubblegum: Deal with it.

Futurama is brought to you by Thompson’s Teeth, the
only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Zoidberg: So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out
of patients’ bodies….

Fry: Hey, I don’t see you planning for your old age.
Bender: I got plans. I’m gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Roberto: Geez, I’ve seen lines move faster in a sperm bank.

Famous Original Ray’s Superior Court

Fry: I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be
chopped up into a patty.
Judge Whitey: Ah, the sixty-seventh ammendment.

Fry: Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!
Professor: Keep your chin up.
Fry: Ow, my chin!

HAL Institute for Criminally Insane Robots

Fry: You gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I’m human?
Bender: You could drop dead. That’d show ‘em.
Fry: I don’t wanna.

Fry: I’m not a robot like you. I don’t like having disks crammed
into me… unless they’re Oreos, and then only in the mouth.

Amy: Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Fry: I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
Leela: Oh, lots of reasons.

Leela: Okay, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his
humanity the way only a woman can.
Professor: You’re going to do his laundry?

Amy: Aw, he looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Professor: Ouch! That’s going to bleed when my heart beats.

Fry: Mmm, the gristle in a blanket isn’t half bad.
Bender: And try one of these popsicle sticks. They’ve
absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Leela: I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball… oddball.

Adelai: A package is just a box until it’s delivered.

Fry: Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

One of Bender’s kids: Our dad is a giant toy!

One of Bender’s kids: Can we have Bender burgers again?
Bender: No, the cat shelter’s onto me.

Leela: Oh, Adelai, I’ve had a wonderful time today. No one’s stared
at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me. You make me
feel so not weird.

Fry: What’s so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us
aren’t normal. And that’s what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He’s
a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does.
Zoidberg: Damn right.
Fry: And the professor’s a senile amoral crackpot.
Professor: Oyeeaii. (waves)
Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
Hermes: Tally me banana.
Fry: Amy is a klutz from Mars.
Amy: Whoops. (drops her glass)
Professor: And Fry, you’ve got that brain thing.
Fry: I already did!

Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, 29 rules of dating for women, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary, The ten most wanted men, Think you have a cold day?, Secluded vacation, Witty ads from around the world, Cute babies, Perfect timing!, 15 ways to tell if someone is a teenager, Texas justice, 12 Lawyer Joke, Josh Groban | Noel

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