That was funny

Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot?
Professor: No. Why would I know that?

Fry: I want to see the edge of the universe.
Amy: Ooh, that sounds cool.
Zoidberg: It’s funny. You live in the universe by you
never do these things ’til someone comes to visit.

Fry: So, there’s an infinite number of parallel universes?
Professor: No, just the two.
Fry: Oh, well, I’m sure that’s enough.

Handcrafters: New hands in about an hour
Fry: These new hands are great. I’m gonna break them in tonight.

Fry: I’ve only got two fantasies left: to be invisible in a
chocolate factory, and to be romantically linked to a celebrity.
Bender: I could pound your head ’til you think that’s what happened.
Fry: Okay.

nappster.com: Download any celebrity from A.A. Milne to Z.Z. Top

If food is not reasonably clean, return uneaten portion for partial refund

Brooklyn Aquarium, special exhibit: boids of da wattah

Professor: Oh, dear. She’s stuck in an infinite loop and he’s an idiot.
Well, that’s love for you.

Bender: Stay away from our women. You got metal fever, baby, metal fever!

Professor: I knew I should have shown him “Electro-Gonnorhea, the Noisy Killer.”

Lucy Liu: That was incredible, Bender. You’re like Jackie Chan
before he got all doughy.

Zapp: Now that’s a wave of destruction that’s easy on the eyes.

Leela: And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Fry: Lucy Liu-bot, if I don’t survive the corn, I want you to know that I
love you as much as a man can love a computerized image of a gorgeous
celebrity, which it turns out is a lot.

Leela: Your face can take a lot of punishment. That’s good to know.
Fry: There’s a lot about my face you don’t know.

Professor: While you were gone the Trotters held a news conference
to announce that I was a jive sucker.

Marv Albert: He’s really showing us what a man with a cannon
in his chest can do.

Leela: I don’t know what you did, Fry, but once again you screwed
up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin’ wise about our mommas.
Hermes: I’m just glad my fat ugly momma isn’t alive to see this day.

Bubblegum: Good lord, that sucker’s shakin’ around like
some fine imported booty.

Leela: Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: Sorry, you must have been boring.

Leela: I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Fry: Drugs are for losers, and hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

Fry: How did I get Leela to love me? I’ve got to figure it out.
Hermes: Maybe you’re just a fantastic lover, Fry.
Amy: No.

Professor: Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball’s in Farnsworth’s
court. I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Bubblegum: Bender, you can talk trash, you can handle the ball,
but look in your heart and ask yourself: are you funky
enough to be a Globe Trotter? Are you?
Bender: Yes.
Bubblegum: Are you?
Bender: I mean, with time, my funk level could…
Bubblegum: Are you?!
Bender: No.
Bubblegum: Deal with it.

Futurama is brought to you by Thompson’s Teeth, the
only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Zoidberg: So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out
of patients’ bodies….

Fry: Hey, I don’t see you planning for your old age.
Bender: I got plans. I’m gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Roberto: Geez, I’ve seen lines move faster in a sperm bank.

Famous Original Ray’s Superior Court

Fry: I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be
chopped up into a patty.
Judge Whitey: Ah, the sixty-seventh ammendment.

Fry: Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!
Professor: Keep your chin up.
Fry: Ow, my chin!

HAL Institute for Criminally Insane Robots

Fry: You gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I’m human?
Bender: You could drop dead. That’d show ‘em.
Fry: I don’t wanna.

Fry: I’m not a robot like you. I don’t like having disks crammed
into me… unless they’re Oreos, and then only in the mouth.

Amy: Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Fry: I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
Leela: Oh, lots of reasons.

Leela: Okay, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his
humanity the way only a woman can.
Professor: You’re going to do his laundry?

Amy: Aw, he looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Professor: Ouch! That’s going to bleed when my heart beats.

Fry: Mmm, the gristle in a blanket isn’t half bad.
Bender: And try one of these popsicle sticks. They’ve
absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Leela: I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball… oddball.

Adelai: A package is just a box until it’s delivered.

Fry: Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

One of Bender’s kids: Our dad is a giant toy!

One of Bender’s kids: Can we have Bender burgers again?
Bender: No, the cat shelter’s onto me.

Leela: Oh, Adelai, I’ve had a wonderful time today. No one’s stared
at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me. You make me
feel so not weird.

Fry: What’s so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us
aren’t normal. And that’s what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He’s
a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does.
Zoidberg: Damn right.
Fry: And the professor’s a senile amoral crackpot.
Professor: Oyeeaii. (waves)
Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.
Hermes: Tally me banana.
Fry: Amy is a klutz from Mars.
Amy: Whoops. (drops her glass)
Professor: And Fry, you’ve got that brain thing.
Fry: I already did!