15. Don’t worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year. -God

14. Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy. - Homer

13. Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just making him madder and madder. - Homer

12. I was at Bible camp, learning how to be more judgemental. - Maude

11. Don’t worry, son. I’m sure he’s up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin. - Homer

10. Todd: Daddy, the heathen’s getting away! -Ned: I see him, son. I see him…

9. If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. - Homer

8. Seen on Christian school sign: We put the Fun back in Fundementalist Dogma!

7. Bart: Wow! God is so in your face. Homer: Yea, he’s my favorite fictional character.

6. Hey, since when is Christmas just about the presents? Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day? The birth of Santa? - Bart

5. Save me, Jeebus! - Homer

4. Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing. - Bart

3. Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion. - Superintendent Chalmers

2. Stealing! How could you? Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? - Homer

1. Homer: Oh, Lord! Why do You mock me? (looking up at ceiling). Marge: Homer, that’s not God. That’s a waffle Bart stuck to the ceiling. (Marge pries the waffle off the ceiling). Homer: Lord, I know I shouldn’t eat Thee, but… (munch munch munch) mmmm…sacrelicious.

Chocolate as art, Cute baby stills, Early computer and software ads, Mother-in-law’s choice, Amuzing sandwiches, Explain THAT to your insurance company, Food sculptures, Windows, In-laws, Computers contrast, Worlds smartest man, 7 things that would happen if you were a computer, Talented engineer, 30 signs that technology has taken over your life, Microsoft landing, Golfing, 19 recommendations from men to women, Careful what you wish for, If men were in charge of weddings, Two new additions to periodic table of elements, 29 rules of dating for women, Women talking, men hearing, Doctor’s help, How to read personal ads from women, Guest at a hotel, First date, Death Row in Women’s Prison, 12 things men know, Top male occupations, Car accident, What guys really mean, Las Vegas, Why married couples do not have sex, Letter from Wal-Mart, Dusty Underwear, Men and Women, Soup, Anniversary, University, New studio, Solid marriage, At the altar, Chances to get married, One kiss, Injury, 35 Predictions from 50’s, Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize, Top 10 signs you have eaten too much, 23 headlines of 2050, 53 signs you might have a drinking problem, 39 Headlines of the year, Let’s kill a bicycle repairman, 36 world’s smallest books, Commuting to work, Florist mixup, Job interview, Jamaica, The Weigh Scale, An expensive barbie doll, Psychology class, New driving test, Beautiful nature? No, just food, 34 Pacific Northwest jokes, 16 Montana rules, You know it’s July in Florida, Public school teacher, Great experiment, Laboratory, Thermometer, Poor man’s virus, Being old has some perks, Wrong bank, Definition of words used by women, 21 reasons why men are happier, Thoughtful husband, Four food groups for students, Gentlemen quiz, Blonde at a strip mall, Car hangers, Beach exercise, Wal-Mart announces house brand wine, Journey on a train carriage, Divorced barbie, Anxious cab driver, 75 things to do in a car, 8 Ways to be annoying in Australia, 554 ways to be annoying, Before and after marriage, Stoping a taxi, Eleven new drugs for women, Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary, The ten most wanted men, Think you have a cold day?, Secluded vacation, Witty ads from around the world, Cute babies, Perfect timing!, 15 ways to tell if someone is a teenager, Texas justice, 12 Lawyer Joke, Josh Groban | Noel

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