Programmer smoking
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says “Hey, don’t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn’t you see the giant warning on the box?!” “That’s OK” says the guy, puffing casually “I’m a computer programmer” [...]
Young programmer
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer [...]
Programming languages are like cars
Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain. FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road. FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford. FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts. COBOL: A delivery van. It’s bulky and ugly [...]
Hot air balloon
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above [...]
Infinite loop
A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and a programmer were discussing the theorem that all odd numbers are prime. Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. The theorem is false. Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not, 11 is…. The theorem is [...]
How to catch an elephant in Africa
* MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. * EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. * PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence [...]
Drug dealers vs. software developers
Drug dealers: Refer to their clients as “users”. “The first one’s free!” Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff). Strange jargon: “Stick”, “Rock”, “Dime bag,” “E”. Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes. Often seen in the [...]
Hot air balloon
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above [...]