That was funny

Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a [...]

Question:
Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which
class it belongs to?
Answer:
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
“You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees”.

VARNING: MinnySoda Compewtr Virus
Ve haf just sent you da NORVEGIAN VIRUS. Since ve do not haf any programming experience and do not know how to actually demage your computir, dis Virus verks on da honor system. Please forward dis Virus to eferyvone on your mailing list and den manually delete all of da files on [...]

There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.
Things that you buy now won’t wear out.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no [...]

A man went into a Wells Fargo bank and planned to rob it. He got a deposit slip and wrote on it: “This iz a stikup. Put all the munny in this bag.” Then he stood in line. But he got nervous thinking that someone might have seen him write the note. So he left [...]

Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
That’s Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you’ll pay for your mistake.
Nothing - The calm before the storm. [...]

Men can play with toys all their life.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can “do” their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men’s bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate [...]

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. “Reta,” he said, “What would you like for your birthday?”
His [...]

Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.