That was funny

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied [...]

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?” The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or [...]

Nan: How do you like your new studio apartment?
Dan: I have no room for complaint.

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained.
“He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates real well and I just act [...]

The bride came down the aisle.
When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side.
“What are your golf clubs doing here?” she asked indignantly.
He looked her right in the eye–and said, “Well, this isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing.
“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.
“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.”

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.
“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk [...]

A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case, “…and then she hit me with a maple leaf.”
“A maple leaf? [...]

“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its’ going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.”
“Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one.”
“If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m [...]