That was funny

A blonde called in inquiring about a travel package to Hawaii. The agent explained their limited travel range. After going over all the agent’s information, she asked, “Well, could I fly to California, and THEN take your train to Hawaii?”

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another [...]

There is a merry family gathering with all generations around the table. The children (naughty little rascals) sneak a Viagra tablet into Grandpa’s drink.
After a while, Grandpa excuses himself because he has to go to the bathroom.
When he returns, however, his trousers are wet all over.
“What happened, Grandpa?” asked his concerned children.
“Well,” he answers, [...]

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
Candidate announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
Candidate explained that her [...]

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!”
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. You want to [...]

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Discusses policy with God.
PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with God.
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:
Leaps [...]

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.
Q. My [...]

Good Communication Skills - Spends lots of time on phone
Average Employee - Not too bright
Exceptionally Well Qualified - Made no major blunders yet
Work Is First Priority - Too ugly to get a date
Active Socially - Drinks a lot
Family Is Active Socially - Spouse drinks, too
Independent Worker - Nobody knows what he/she does
Quick Thinking - Offers [...]

Gross pay - $1222.02
Income Tax - 244.40
Outgo Tax - 45.21
State Tax - 11.61
Interstate Tax - 61.10
County Tax - 6.11
City Tax - 12.22
Rural Tax - 4.44
Back Tax - 1.11
Front Tax - 1.16
Side Tax - 1.61
Up Tax - 2.22
Down Tax - 1.11
Tic-Tacs - 1.98
Thumbtacks - 3.93
Carpet Tacks - 0.98
Stadium Tax - 0.69
Flat Tax - 8.32
Surtax - 3.46
Ma’am [...]

1. I need to whip it out by 5.
2. Mind if I use your laptop?
3. Just stick it in my box.
4. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag.
5. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
6. Hmmm… I think it’s out of fluid.
7. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
8. It’s [...]