That was funny

Golf — a good walk spoiled, and an infuriating game that brings out the worst and very worst in people.  Why was it called golf?  Simply because all the other four letter words were taken.

The guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve several times before I hit him.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up [...]

Deer Sur,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do sum Acounting 2.
I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole person. Pepole really seam to respond good to me.
Im lookin for a jobb as a secritary [...]

Men say one thing, but their mind is operating in entirely another direction. Here’s what guys say, but what they really mean.

Men Say

What It Really Means

It’s a guy thing.
There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

Sure, honey, or Yes, dear.
Absolutely [...]

Married men revealed that they perform the following act twice as often as single men.
Change their underwear.

Never cut your hair.  Ever.  It only causes arguments when I comment on it.
Wear anything you want.  It is fine.  Really.
If you want some dessert after a meal, please order some.  You don’t have to finish it.  I order mine because I would like to eat it myself.
Shopping is not a sport for me.  Please [...]

“I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
“It’s in the phone book.”
“But I don’t know your name.”
“That’s in the phone book too.”
“Haven’t we met before?”
“Yes, I am the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
“Your place or mine?”
“Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
“Is this seat empty?”
“Yes, and this one will be, [...]

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.