That was funny

On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.”
On a bag of Fritos:”You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
On some Swann frozen dinners: “Serving suggestions: Defrost.”
On a hotel provided [...]

After a horrible day at the office a man gets home from work.  When he comes through the door his wife greets him and says, “Hi, Honey.  Notice anything different about me?”
“Oh, I don’t know.  You got your hair done.”
“Nope, try again.”
“Oh, you bought a new dress.”
“Nope, keep trying.”
“You got your nails done.”
“No, try again.”
“I [...]

Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands.  The first says, “My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.  I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren’t mine!”
The second says, “My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.  I found a condom in his wallet, so [...]

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.
For you, it becomes a moral dilemma to decide whether to buy flowers for your girlfriend or spend money to upgrade the RAM on your computer.
On the Alaskan Cruise, everyone else is on [...]

Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically.
Counts a family of possums living in your yard as dependents.
Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant”.
He laughs at the demand for an audit.
He’s got a GST Form tattooed on his arm.
In several places on your tax forms he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars”.
Insists [...]

You sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
You worked for the same company for four years and sat at more than ten different desks.
You’ve been in the same job for four years and have had ten different managers.
You see a good looking person and know it is a [...]

A miss is as good as a Mr.
Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader.
When the blind lead the blind … get out of the way.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.  Cry and you have to blow your nose.
Strike while the bug is close.
It’s always darkest before daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the [...]

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
If you gave her a penny for her thought, you’d get change back.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the [...]

1. Free Willy
2. The Big Lewinsky.
3. Neither an Officer nor a Gentleman.
4. Willy’s Wonka and the Cigar Factory.
5. Citizen Stain.
6. Prince of Ties.
7. Saving Private Lyin”.
8. The Lying King.
9. Terms of Impeachment.
10. Waiting to Inhale.

Bill & Hillary invited Al & Tipper Gore over for dinner at the White House.  In the middle of dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom.  After a couple of minutes, he came back.  They finished dinner and left.
On the way home, Al turned to Tipper and said, “Did you know Bill has a [...]