How To Drive Your Wife Crazy
Start asking her questions (don’t mistakenly do anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Say, “I think it’s time I learn to take care of myself. You know, just in case.” Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it’s real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop [...]
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great [...]
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?” Barbara: “Sure, [...]
Top 9 Reasons to Become a Nurse
9. Pays better than McDonald’s (though the hours aren’t as good.) 8. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms. 7. Needles: ’tis better to give than to receive. 6. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops … eventually. 5. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases. 4. Interesting aromas. 3. Courteous and [...]
You Know It’s Going To Be A Bad Day When:
You wake up face down on the pavement You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold You put your bra on backwards and it fits better Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business You want to put [...]
12 Signs You’ve Joined A Cheap HMO!
1.Staff physicians include Dr. Who, Dr. Kevorkian, and Dr. Demento. 2.Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. 3.Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 4.With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn’t come in different colors with little “M’s” on them. 5.Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 6. [...]