That was funny

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was [...]

1. A friend calls and says “How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!”
2. You forget how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream “LOL, LOL.”
4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear [...]

The seven-year old told her Mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor.
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”
“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then he double-billed the insurance company.”

A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, “I think there’s a thief in the house.”
“Not in the House,” her husband says. “Perhaps in the Senate, my dear, but not in the House.”

Sometimes it seems that what we study in college doesn’t have much relation to what we end up doing for a living. Following is a list of various degrees, as well as what graduates actually end up doing after earning them.
Computer Science
College
Spend most of your time in a dimly lit lab, playing XTrek and drinking [...]

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her room-mate.
“Terrible!” the room-mate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”
“Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner!”

…the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground;
…the trees are whistling for the dogs;
…the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance;
…hot water now comes out of both taps;
…you can make sun tea instantly;
…you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron;
…the temperature drops [...]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, [...]

One day a blonde went to a store and saw Donuts that were sugar free. So she grabbed them and walked out of the store without paying.
Security stopped her and asked, “Excuse me miss, but what do you think you are doing?”
She said ” Duhuh…Im taking the free Sugar donuts!”

A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction – so he decided to consult a marriage counselor. After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.”
A week later [...]