Why Men are Proud of Themselves
1. We know stuff about tanks 2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase 3. We can open all our own jars 4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group 5. We don’t have to learn to spell a new last name 6. We can leave a motel bed unmade 7. We [...]
Christmas Shopping For Men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to [...]
Ten Ways to Make Driving Less Boring
Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly. Keep at least five cats in [...]
Tips For Success in Business
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make [...]
Flat Tire
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor [...]
An English/Chinese Interpreter
• Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding? • Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni • Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan? • I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni • Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting? • An unauthorized execution Lin Ching [...]
Things You’d Never Hear a Southern American Say
• I thought Graceland was tacky. • No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe. • Do you think my hair is too big? • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? • The tires on that truck are too big. • I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. • [...]
Dinner in a Restaurant
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his [...]
Why Santa’s Asking For A Raise
10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys. 9. Nike won’t give him a lucrative side-contract. 8. Reindeer and elves have unionised, driving up his cost. 7. New tax on flying sleighs. 6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years. 5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling [...]
The Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy quickly replied, “That’s [...]