That was funny

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!”
3. If it is a math/science [...]

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If [...]

Ladies, when Choosing A Mate, Compare These Other Professionals To Engineers:
Here is a plug for all the Engineers out there.
DOCTORS Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don’t expect your relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he’ll run off with some nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients [...]

There would be a “Rehearsal Kegger” rather than a “Rehearsal Dinner”.
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines.
Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.
June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, [...]

WOMEN JOKES ABOUT MEN
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won’t stop to ask [...]

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs.
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment.
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute.
Q: How [...]

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.
‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
‘The [...]

12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 a Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 pack of Redman
6 cans of spam
5 FLANNEL SHIRTS….
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 hunting dogs
and parts to a Mustang GT…

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed it’s time to change
sheets.
5. Even if you’re CERTAIN that you are included in the will
… it is still considered tacky to [...]

1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
2. I hate everybody, and you’re next.
3. And your point is…?
4. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
5. I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.
6. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
7. Remember my name — you’ll be screaming it later.
8. Don’t [...]