That was funny

Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub.”
Name your dog “Dog.”
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in [...]

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how [...]

An Alabama couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children.
They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband
“fixed”.
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked
them what finally made them make the decision — why after
nine children, would they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent [...]

Father: Well son, how are your exam results?
Son: They’re all under water
Father: What do you mean?
Son: They’re all under C level.

My boss didn’t come into work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, “I just can’t see myself at work today.”

A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence.
‘Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.’
‘Well,’ replies the woman, ‘I have contacts.’
‘Lady, I don’t care who you know, your still going to get a ticket.’

Bill: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law died. What was the complaint?
George: We haven’t had any yet.

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart …. Nice children you’ve got there - are they twins?”
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Hell no [...]