That was funny

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ”Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so [...]

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got [...]

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.
We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go [...]

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.
7. Here’s a credit card [...]

1. A child’s eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional [...]

1. Be thankful you haven’t been spammed!
2. Be thankful your computer isn’t down!
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn’t down!
4. Be thankful you don’t have The Good Times virus!
5. Be thankful your server isn’t down!
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!
8. [...]

You can GET chocolate.
“If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
You can have chocolate in front of your mother.
If you bite the nuts too hard [...]