That was funny

1. Turn the radio on. When the instructor’s hand reaches to turn it off, slap his/her hand.
2.Rev the car really high, turn to the instructor, and say with an evil look, “Buckle Up!”
3.Come dressed in a suit.Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a peice of saran wrap so he doesn’t [...]

City of LAHigh School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:________________ Gang:________________
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he missed 6 out of 10 shots, and shoots 11 times at each drive-by, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to [...]

A Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him.
The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation.
American: “Do you eat the whole bread?”
French (in a bad mood): “Of course!”
American: “We don’t. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in [...]

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the [...]

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If [...]

That’s weird…
It’s never done that before.
It worked yesterday.
How is that possible?
It must be a hardware problem.
What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
There is something funky in your data.
I haven’t touched that module in weeks!
You must have the wrong version.
It’s just some unlucky coincidence.
I can’t test everything!
THIS can’t be the source of [...]

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked [...]

If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’…
If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’…
If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’…
If you don’t know how it could possibly be done call it a ‘challenge’ or an ‘exciting opportunity’…
If you want to confuse people, ask [...]

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open [...]