Entrance Exam
College Entrance Exam: For Football Players You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify. 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau. 3. Would you ask [...]
Jerry Seinfeld quotes
I was the best man at the wedding. If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him? It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is [...]
Unusual Order
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of [...]
I Want A Job!
A young guy walks into the local dole office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, “Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in drawing welfare month after month. I’d really much rather have a job”. The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just [...]
Real Drivers
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them. 2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. Crossing two [...]
Politically Correct
In France, rioters looted stores. Actually to be politically correct you cannot call them looters anymore. You know have to call them undocumented shoppers. -Jay Leno
Space Monkeys
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission [...]
Bathing Suit Shopping
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice. “What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?” “Better [...]
The Power of Women
There were 11 people hanging on to a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men and one woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go. Finally the woman gave a really [...]
Daddy’s Call
“Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?” “No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.” “Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.” Brief Pause. “Uh, okay then, this [...]