That was funny

Facts about Americans. Did you know that . . .
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of [...]

A woman that was on her death-bed turned to her husband telling him he should get married soon after she’ll die, to which the man said-OK.
Then she told him that he may bring the new wife to her home -Ok said the man, and you may give her my silver-OK said he, you will also [...]

Q. How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Real Men aren’t afraid of the dark.

Women’s Lifestyles Through the Ages
AGE… DRINK
17… Winecoolers
25… White wine
35… Red wine
48… Dom Perignon
66… Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17… Need to wash my hair
25… Need to wash and condition my hair
35… Need to color my hair
48… Need to have Francois color my hair
66… Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17… [...]

Women’s faults are many, men have only 2:
Everything they say and everything they do.

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with [...]

Water
1. We all know that water is important but I’ve never seen it written down like this before.
2. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population)
3. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.&
4. Even MILD dehydration will [...]

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His new copilot is Chinese, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, “I don’t like Chinese.”
“No rike Chinese?” [...]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! “The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. [...]

1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
7. If you [...]