That was funny

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. “A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer. “Tell me, how old are you?”
“I’m eighty-four,” answered the old lady.
“Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?”
“My husband is eighty-seven.”
“My, my,” said the lawyer, “and how long have you been married?”
“Next September will [...]

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. “But I don’t know her size.”
“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
“Why yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours.”
“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the [...]

A man walked into a dress shop and asked the proprietor how business was.
“Terrible!” he complained. “It’s so bad, why I only sold one dress yesterday. Today it’s even worse.”
“How could it be worse?” asked his friend.
“Today that lady returned the dress she bought yesterday,” wailed the propreitor.

1. The Macy’s One Day Sale Flu.
2. The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.
3. The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.
4. The I’m Looking for a New Job and I Don’t Know How Long It’s Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until Then Mysterious Infection.
5. The My Boyfriend’s Got the Week [...]

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials an extension and shouts into the phone - “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“I’m the [...]

While working with Mr. Smith, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. [...]

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.
People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria.
People with a newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom.
Above all, make sure you carry [...]

The manager is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notes that the fellow has never worked in retail before.
“For a man with no experience,” says he, “you are certainly asking a high wage.”
“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing…”

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith, “I knew I [...]

MONDAY:
BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on [...]