That was funny

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries - all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the shop in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in [...]

An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.
One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn’t resist and [...]

It’s never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn’t as painful as kidney stones.
Difficulty Level: Hard
Time Required: Years
Here’s How:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Eat something other than taco chips.
Fart without recording [...]

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”
Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the [...]

1. Thou shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
2. Thou shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
3. Thou shall not cross bridges before you come to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
4. Thou shall face each problem [...]

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a [...]

What does your profession say about you?
1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to [...]

Manager, interviewing a job applicant: “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
Job Applicant: “Well Sir, the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!”

1. Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC would get “Ferklempt”.
2. Hanukkah screen savers will have “Flying Dreidels”.
3. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
4. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
5. Your “Start” button would be replaced with a “Let’s go! I’m not [...]

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey please.”
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a [...]