That was funny

A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign.
Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, “Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?”
The guy in the Rolls says, “Yes, of course I do.”
“I got one too… [...]

1. “Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room.”
2. “He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.”
3. “In class, the syllabus is more important than you are.”
4. “Help! I’ve fallen asleep and I can’t wake up!”
5. “Text makes a satisfying ‘thud’ when dropped on the floor.”
6. “The class is worthwhile [...]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists……two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your [...]