That was funny

WOMEN
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
Women wait by the phone for a “safe at home call” from [...]

A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each [...]

- That it didn’t matter how late I scheduled my first class; I’d sleep right through it.
- That I could change so much and barely realize it.
- That college kids throw airplanes too.
- That if you wear polyester everyone will ask you, “Why are you so dressed up?”
- That every clock on campus shows a [...]

1) When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art. We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2) When you call [...]

Your boss is the biggest obstacle to workday leisure. He will try to make you work right up to - but not beyond - the point of death. This may not seem like an unfair generalization, because obviously it’s more economical for him to push the people who are approaching retirement age a little bit [...]

1) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
2) It’s only unethical if you get caught.
3) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
4) We put the “k” in “kwality”
5) If something doesn’t feel right, you’re [...]

1. You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
2. Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.
3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
4. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
5. You can always [...]

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. FAT CLOTHES.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of [...]

“I can’t find it,” REALLY MEANS, “It didn’t fall into my
outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“That’s women’s work,” REALLY MEANS, “It’s dirty, difficult and
thankless.”
“Will you marry me?” REALLY MEANS, “Both my roommates have moved
out, I can’t find the washer, and there is no more peanut
butter.”
“It’s a guy thing,” REALLY MEANS, “There is no rational thought
pattern [...]

16 Using their e-mail address, post a request for penpals to the alt.prison.bodypiercing newsgroup.
15 Three words: electric mouse buzzer.
14 Assign them to the new “Heaven’s Gate” project.
13 “Look, Bill Gates!! Ha! Made ya look!”
12 Put them in the same room with a member of the opposite sex.
11 “Have you got Prince Albert in [...]