30 Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid
*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A few beers short of six-pack *A few peas short of a casserole *Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box *The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead *One Fruit Loop shy of full bowl [...]
Gender
You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example… 1) Ziploc Bags- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if [...]
Words Women Use
FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the [...]
Signs to Hang in the Office
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. [...]
Occupations
Accountant – Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor – Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Banker – The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) Economist – [...]
Job Assignment
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in [...]
Stock Broker’s Audit
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of [...]
Breakfast Order
A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so over cooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that [...]
Artificial Intelligence
An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level. To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and [...]
Why Men are Happier Than Women
1. We keep our last name. 2. The garage is all ours. 3. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 4. Chocolate is just another snack. 5. We can be president. 6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 7. Car mechanics tell us the truth. 8. The world is our urinal. 9. [...]