Wrong ISP
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER 1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string. 2. You check out their address, and it’s a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler. 3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods. 4. [...]
Error Messages
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple of examples: * Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy? * 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has occured?
Engineers Won’t Say This…
1. Debug code developed 4 years ago for a rush project with absolutely no documentation? Love to! 2. More documentation? Love to! 3. Why would anyone who spends every day of the week working on a computer want to spend any of their free time playing computer games? 4. Join in a Quake game? No [...]
Rules To Be A Man
Ways to keep your Testosterone flowing… 1. Don’t call, ever. 2. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. Lie. 5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them. 6. Here’s a [...]
A Ring
The girl asked her lover, “Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?” “Sure, ” replied her lover “What’s your phone number?”
Engineer If
You Might Be an Engineer If 1. You have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically. 2. You know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division. 3. You’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. 4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working [...]
Don’t Underestimate Women
There were 11 people – ten were men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave [...]
Two Elderly Women
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years…chatting, and enjoying each others friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says,….”Please don’t be angry with me dear, but I am [...]
The World’s Smartest Man
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dalai Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, [...]
State Slogans
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don’t Own It Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The [...]