That was funny

10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making
$80,000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I [...]

10. How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is the essence of being human? Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
7. How do [...]

1. I had to run that gel nine times before I loaded just enough to keep the
contaminants from showing.
2. I couldn’t remember the biological significance of my work.
3. Writing is very boring … although, I now have high score on
“Wolfenstein”.
4. I had to repeat that last experiment four times [...]

10. Recurring bouts of malaria slow research.
9. Cost of translation from Ancient Sumerian limits
obtainability of important research materials.
8. Can’t remember anything that happened in 1986.
7. Six month sabbatical to train for World Bellyflop
Championships (placed sixth, highest U.S. finisher).
6. [...]

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city
park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of
you just one.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the grad [...]

* In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
* No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be
provided at an event before students will come.
* In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on
both.
* In college, the professors can tell you the answer [...]

Bombs are flying
People are dying
Children are crying
Politicians are lying too.
Cancer is killing
Texaco’s spilling
The whole world’s gone to hell
But how are you?
I’m super
Thanks for asking
All things considered
I couldn’t be better I must say
I’m feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
Everything is super when you’re
Don’t you think I look cute in this hat
I’m so sorry
Mr. Cripple
But I just can’t [...]

Studying expands knowledge,
Knowledge is power,
Power corrupts,
Corruption is a crime,
Crime doesn’t pay.
Why study?

That it didn’t matter how late I scheduled my
first class, I’d sleep right through it.
That I could change so much and barely realize
it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of
different ways.
That college kids throw airplanes too.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask you
why you’re so dressed up.
That every clock on [...]

1) If you understand it and can prove it, then send it to a journal of
mathematics.
2) If you understand it, but can’t prove it, then send it to a physics
journal.
3) If you can’t understand it, but can prove it, then send it to an
economics journal.
4) If [...]