That was funny

“In class, the syllabus is more important than you are.”
“Text makes a satisfying ‘thud’ when dropped on the floor.”
“The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree.”
“Textbook is confusing…someone with a knowledge of English
should proofread it.”
“This class was a religious experience for me…I had to take it
all on faith.”
“The recitation instructor would make [...]

Real Answers from Tests Given to Fifth and Sixth Graders
You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting
hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet
to be discovered.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let [...]

There’s no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet,
are meat.
[...]

Dog: Barkenpantensniffer
Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher
Dog Catcher’s Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen
Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus
Truck Repairman:
Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenmechanikerwerker
Mechanic’s Union:
Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenmechanikerwerkerfeatherbeddengefixengruppe
Doctor: [...]

A linguistics professor was lecturing to her class one day. “In English,”
she said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though,
such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is
no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mann,
Hi, I guess I should introduce myself to you. My name is Cath and
I go to school with your son, Stan. We are good friends and since Stan
is hesitant about talking with you I thought I should. We have had an
interesting couple of months. First there was my dorm room [...]

Your car costs more than your college education
Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not
Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)
Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest [...]

Linda: “And so with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone’s mind is, who will be the president of Earth? Jack Johnson or bitter rival John Jackson. Two terrific candidates, Morbo?”
Morbo: “All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!”

Linda: “The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to it’s [...]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five [...]

1. I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time
approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
4. My love for you [...]