That was funny

1) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better
company someday.
2) It’s only unethical if you get caught.
3) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget
cuts.
4) Doing a [...]

An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he
is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that
he has left two envelopes in the desk drawer and that the envelope
number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in
the job and envelope number 2 if [...]

The following dialog is a reporter asked a bank president.
Reporter : “Sir, What is the secret of your success?”
Sir : “Two words”
Reporter : “And, Sir,what are they?”
Sir : “Right decisions.”
Reporter : “And how do you make right decisions?”
Sir : “One word.”
Reporter : “And,sir,What is that?”
Sir : “Experience.”
Reporter : “And how do you get Experience ?”
Sir [...]

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY [...]

Referring to how corporations are always trying to increase worker
productivity and to have people “do more with less *blank*”. Fill
in the blank with your choice: resources, people, budgets, time,
etc.
A program manager in the room said, …
“Everyone wants you to do more with less, but the truth is, you always
do less with less. If [...]

This came from a Tech Rep from Australia.
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
[...]

“It’s okay…I’m still billing the client.”
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in
that time-management course you sent me to.”
“I was working smarter-not harder.”
“Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper.”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission [...]

…you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
…your office is better decorated than your apartment.
…you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the
progress of your own joke across the Internet.
…you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
…you [...]

10. It doesn’t bother me at all that my college roommate is making
$80,000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I’d be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I [...]

14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of
your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and
games until someone loses their ‘nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make [...]