A Few Days Off
I decided that I needed a few days off and realized that I had run out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy, thinking he’d think I was burning out and give me some time off. I came in [...]
Old Friends
A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen [...]
Men and Women
A WOMEN’S PERSPECTIVE Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time. A woman of5 thinks of having children. What does a man of5 think of? Dating children. How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed. What should you give [...]
Hearing vs. Listening
What a woman says: Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now! What a man hears: C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES [...]
Impress Your Mate
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of [...]
15 Ways To Drive A Man Crazy
1. Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.) 2. Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place. 3. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of its favorite treats 4. Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he complains, innocently suggest that he’s [...]
Why It’s Great To Be A Guy…
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow… Wedding plans “take care” of themselves. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. [...]
Top 10 Things Heard At the Microsoft Trial
10. “Anybody see ‘Ally McBeal’ last night?” 9. “I’ll see your software bundle and raise you a $500 thumbtack.” 8. “Where do I want to go today? Same as yesterday–steaks.” 7. “It’s not a ‘goofy wire.’ It’s a perky, animated paperclip, and Bill happens to like it.” 6. “Now double-click the icon…just click twice…it’s that [...]
Lawyers Jokes
A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown. He notices a small bronze statue of a rat. He asks the owner “how much”, and the owner replies “$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it”. The guy says, “forget the story”, and buys the rat. [...]
Useful Work Phrases
1. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist. 3. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5. I [...]