That was funny

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON
5. One hand on wheel, one hand [...]

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”
FORTRAN: You [...]

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

CUSTOMER [...]

High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
 

First year in College
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln(’Hello World’)
end.
 

Senior year in College
(defun hello
(print
(cons ‘Hello (list ‘World))))
 

New professional
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n");
}
 

Seasoned professional
#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>
class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char(’\0′)) {}
string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, [...]

T ‘was the nite before implementation and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the machine room there [...]

I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And [...]

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
“Write in C.”
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers”
“Write in C.”
Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot [...]

15. Don’t worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year. -God
14. Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy. - Homer
13. Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just [...]

WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
male: Food, sex and beer.
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car’s hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male: A woman [...]

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there [...]