That was funny

“Let us all bask in television’s warm glowing warming glow.”

“Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”
“And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power,
the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which
is just a pipe dream.”  
“Because sometimes the only way you can feel good Simpsons
brain about yourself is [...]

“Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything,
Kent. 14% of people know that.”
“Don’t worry, son. I’m sure he’s up in heaven right now laughing
it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph
Stalin.” (on death of cat).
“And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides,
[...]

“Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy
all kinds of useful things like…love!”
“Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend
the rules a little in order to hold our own.”
“Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first
time in my life, everything is absolutely [...]

Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord’s prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

WinErr 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr 002 No Error - Yet WinErr 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr 006 [...]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?”
2. [...]

1) What quality do you value most in your partner?
a) A sense of humor
b) Emotional maturity.
c) High bandwidth.
2) When you get home at the end of the day, you like to:

a) Turn on the Silicon Valley Business report, and eat dinner.
b) Hook up to [...]

Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there’s substantially more information available through the code than that.
Here’s a guide for interpreting the meaning [...]

I’M HUNGRY.
I’m hungry.
I’M SLEEPY.
I’m sleepy.
I’M TIRED.
I’m tired.
I’VE GOTTA PEE.
Get out of the way.
I’VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO [...]

CAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
…. without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven’t had a fight in a while.
NO, PIZZA’S FINE.
…. you cheap slob!
I JUST DON’T WANT A [...]