That was funny

1. “I’m really keen to work for you - I hear the drugs are good.”
2. “I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately every company I
have worked for has since closed down.”
3. “I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job.”
4. “I know where you [...]

While most companies refrain from allowing consumption of alcohol on
the premises, there are some good arguments for changing that
policy.
Reasons for allowing drinking at work include:
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on [...]

1. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
2. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last
time management course you sent me to.”
3. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
4. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
[...]

Fair enough…let’s take a look at what you’re asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have two days off per
week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day AWAY from work, you have used [...]

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your
authority.
When your boss [...]

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place, and pick up where
you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you [...]

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that [...]

Dept Of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History:
All students get the same grade they got last [...]

* You work very odd hours.
* You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
* You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
* You spend a majority of your time in a [...]

Vanderbilt: Two–one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill 
Princeton: Two–one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician 
Brown: Eleven–one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience 
Dartmouth: None–Hanover doesn’t have electricity 
Cornell: Two–One to change the [...]