Futurama quotes – Part 1
Fry: “Maybe he has a parasite.” Hermes: “Maybe he is a parasite.” Bender to Zoidberg: “You’re looking less nuts, crabby.” Leela: “It’s amazing that your people can fall in love so fast.” Zoidberg: “Love? That word is unknown here. I’m simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material.” Fry: “You [...]
More of Eric Cartman quotes
Cartman:: How ’bout we sing, ‘Kyle’s Mom is a stupid bitch’ in D Minor. Cartman:: That movie has warped my fragile little mind. Cartman:: I’m not fat. I’m big-boned. Stan:: No, Jay Leno’s chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass. Stan:: You can’t just show up to a Civil War re-enactment dressed up [...]
Eric Cartman quotes
Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty’s ass, and I’ll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan: Jesus, Cartman. Cartman: Well, I’m just sayn’, man, seriously, don’t mess with kitty, man. Mr. Garrison:: How would you like to go see the school counselor? Cartman: How would you [...]
Prison vs Work
IN PRISON…you spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. AT WORK…you spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle. IN PRISON…you get three meals a day. AT WORK…you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON…you get time off for good behavior. AT [...]
Dating Hints for Men
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date… I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you. I used to come [...]
Males are Computers
Reasons computers must be male 1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 2. A better model is always just around the corner. 3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. 4. It is always necessary to have a backup. 5. They’ll do whatever you say if you push [...]
Rules by Men
If Men Were to Rewrite “The Rules” Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or [...]
Not so long ago…
An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account Compress was something you did to garbage not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public, [...]
Give 100%
My new work philosophy: Always give 100% at work… * 12% on Mondays * 23% on Tuesdays * 40% on Wednesdays * 20% on Thursdays * 5% on Fridays
Human Resources Lingo
What they really mean when they say . . . “COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY” We have no time to train you. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up. “MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on [...]