First fully computerized airplane
The world’s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the [...]
Futurama quotes – Part 4
Bender: “One of you will have to fill in for me while I’m gone.” Professor Farnsworth: “Better yet, I’ll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monsters with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal…” The boss: “Get a load of ball bearings on this guy.” [...]
Politically correct Christmas card
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or [...]
The best personals ad
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips,cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas – AOL version
T’was a month before Christmas From my wife came the wail, “Take out the garbage And go get the mail.” So I trudged to my mailbox And what did I see? Why, a miniature disc And computer CD! ‘Twas a limited offer From America Online, I knew in a twinkling That this deal was fine! [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas (Microsoft version)
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father’s mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software. The children were nestled all [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas – college version
Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor would loosen up their thinking. In my [...]
Futurama quotes – Part 3
Professor: Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can’t have either one. That’s why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Bender: Well, I do think of human life as expendable. Paul: If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don’t wanna be right. Give a hoot-o Don’t [...]
Cartman quotes
Kevin: My waffle’s done! My waffle’s done! Mrs. McCormick: Now, Kevin, we ain’t got enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother. Cartman: Oh, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me? Cartman: Kenny’s family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage. Cartman: Yeah! I want [...]
Futurama quotes – Part 2
Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot? Professor: No. Why would I know that? Fry: I want to see the edge of the universe. Amy: Ooh, that sounds cool. Zoidberg: It’s funny. You live in the universe by you never do these things ’til someone comes to visit. Fry: So, there’s an infinite [...]