Why married couples do not have sex
Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were just cleaned 17 times it was too [...]
Letter from Wal-Mart
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart: Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past [...]
Dusty Underwear
One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!” His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning [...]
Men and Women
Relationships When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a [...]
Anniversary
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied [...]
Solid marriage
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates real well and I [...]
At the altar
The bride came down the aisle. When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side. “What are your golf clubs doing here?” she asked indignantly. He looked her right in the eye–and said, “Well, this isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
Chances to get married
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing. “Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend. “Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.”
One kiss
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his [...]
Injury
A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened. After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case, “…and then she hit me with a maple leaf.” “A [...]