That was funny

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He
tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a
bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring the girl over with two other
women and see if his mother can guess which [...]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

One weekend four married guys went golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation took place.
First Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the [...]

Never buy a ‘new’ brand of beer because ‘it was on sale.’
If we’re in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn’t mean we’re not watching it.
Don’t tell anyone we can’t afford a new car. Tell them we don’t want one.
Whenever possible please try to say whatever [...]

“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market,” said the man.
“Sounds like [...]

1. There would be a “Rehearsal Kegger” rather than a “Rehearsal Dinner.”
2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jeans cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines.
3. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. (My fiance threatened to [...]

Element name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic weight: (don’t even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly [...]

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So [...]

What a Woman Says:
“This place is a mess! C’mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don’t do laundry right now
you’ll have no clothes to wear.”

What a Man Hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
blah, [...]

40-ish…………………………49
Adventurous…………………Slept with all your friends
Athletic……………………….No boobs
Average looking……………..Ugly
Beautiful………………………Pathological liar
Contagious Smile…………….Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure…………..On medication
Feminist……………………….Fat
Free spirit……………………..Junkie
Friendship first……………….Former slut
Fun…………………………….Annoying
Gentle…………………………Dull
New Age………………………Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded…………………Desperate
Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate……………………Sloppy drunk
Poet……………………………Depressive
Professional…………………..Bitch
Romantic………………………Frigid
Voluptuous……………………Very Fat
Large frame…………………..Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate…………….Stalker
Widow…………………………Murderer