Guest at a hotel
A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold [...]
First date
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a goodnight kiss?” Horrified, she [...]
Soup
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”
New studio
Nan: How do you like your new studio apartment? Dan: I have no room for complaint.
35 Predictions from 50′s
“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its’ going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.” “Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one.” “If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m [...]
Top 10 signs you have eaten too much
You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President” This morning, [...]
23 headlines of 2050
Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were “Just For Fun” Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. “This Is True Love,” He Beams. [...]
53 signs you might have a drinking problem
You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely [...]
39 Headlines of the year
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says 3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. [...]
36 world’s smallest books
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers The Australian Book of Foreplay The Book of Motivated Postal Workers Americans’ Guide to Etiquette The World Guide to Good American Beer Royal Family’s Guide to Good Marriages Safe Places to Travel in the USA Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity Jerry Garcia’s Guide to Beating Drug Addiction Contraception [...]