That was funny

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable
cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot
bath. As soon [...]

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold [...]

At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home.
Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and,
smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a goodnight kiss?”
Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? [...]

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

Nan: How do you like your new studio apartment?
Dan: I have no room for complaint.

“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its’ going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.”
“Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long when $5000 will only buy a used one.”
“If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m [...]

You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net
Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams
All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps
While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker
Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President”
This morning, the display on your bathroom [...]

Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock
Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen
Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were
“Just For Fun”
Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past
With US President
Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. “This
Is True Love,” He Beams.
[...]

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
The back of your head keeps getting hit [...]