That was funny

We say in Kazakhstan that a horse is like a man.
That if a horse is good it is like a man is good,
and that if a horse is bad, is like a man is bad.
And if a horse is hungry is like a man is hungry,
and if a horse is sad is like if a [...]

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train [...]

In France, rioters looted stores. Actually to be politically correct
you cannot call them looters anymore. You know have to call them
undocumented shoppers.
-Jay Leno

“The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You’re gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man.” - [...]

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
– Bob Ettinger

Is the kidney a bean a kidney shaped object, or is the bean a kidney shaped legume?
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.
I choose toilet paper through the process of elimination.
George Washington’s brother was the Uncle of Our Country.
Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight is cheaper, less crowded, [...]

I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around.
— Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters that the economy was doing better because a Burger King had a “now hiring” sign in the window. He was campaigning for re-election in Ontario, CA, 1/17/92 (reported [...]

VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them. When I am in the White House, that will be my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.
GOVERNOR GEORGE W. [...]