Tacks
A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, ” I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack o’ dem rubbers gonna cost me? The pharmacist responds, “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.” To which the redneck replies, “TACKS! Gawd a’mighty,………..don’t they stay on by [...]
You know you’re a redneck if…
Redneck boat Redneck cat Redneck gingerbread house Redneck grill Redneck guest bedrooms Redneck Harley Redneck horseshoes Redneck lawn mower Redneck PDA Redneck pet carrier Redneck weather station Redneck wedding reception
Chinese in 21 easy lessons
Are you harboring a fugitive – Hu Yu Hai Ding See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni Your price is too high – No Bai Dam Thing Did you go to the beach – Wai Yu So Tan I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai [...]
Adopting A Baby
A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they [...]
Flies In The Beer
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and [...]
What’s for Lunch
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building. The Mexican opened his [...]
A lesson in German
Dog: Barkenpantensniffer Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher Dog Catcher’s Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus Truck Repairman: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenmechanikerwerker Mechanic’s Union: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenmechanikerwerkerfeatherbeddengefixengruppe Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper Hypodermic Needle: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelperhurtensticker Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelperhurtenstickerstabbenplatz Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounderspinnenseat Piano Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounderoffengeshowenspelle Fathers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounderoffengeshowenspellensnoozengruppe Mothers at the Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounderoffengeshowenspellensnoozengruppenuppenwakers Automobile: Honkenbrakenscreecher Gasoline: Honkenbrakenscreecherzoomerjuicen Driver: Honkenbrakenscreecherguidenschtunker Auto [...]
How do you know you’re a Russian in the US
Your car costs more than your college education Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn) Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 [...]